Amazingly, another football season has reached its conclusion. There's been highs, plenty of lows and even some justice with the mercy killing of Fletch and Sav last weekend. We watched all the crap punditry so you don't have to and here are our awards for the best (and worst) in punditry in the 2015-16 season.
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The John Giles Moral Courage award for Best Pundit
Winner: Jamie Carragher
Gary Neville’s resurrection as a TV pundit ('You know everything, Gary Neville') will be one of the storylines of next season but until Red Nev returns, it’s his partner in the Monday Night Football studios that rules the roost.
Carragher is at once plain spoken and detailed. He is passionate and calls bullshit when he sees it. His deconstruction of Jaime Vardy’s sending off against West Ham was punditry’s high point this season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmUemAj4bsQ
Honourable mention: Brian Kerr.
He suffers from a lack of screen time but Kerr combines knowledge, insight and baffling player pronunciations to bring a wise old hand to the TV3 studios. Every time he is on screen or in a commentary box it also highlights the disturbing fact that somehow this man is not in an influential position in football in Ireland.
'The Jamie Redknapp He’ll Be Disappointed With That' Award for Worst Pundit:
Winner: Michael Owen and Owen Hargreaves
It’s difficult to pick one from BT’s stable of pundits here. Paul Scholes was at least watchable early in the season as he railed against Louis Van Gaal but he’s since stepped back as Van Gaal has hung on and instead mumbled his way through pay cheque appearances. Steve McManaman specialises in stating the obvious but doing so in the type of incredulous tone reserved for complaining about the price of a pint while Robbie Savage couldn’t shake the fact he’s Robbie Savage throughout the year.
Let’s go for a cop out then and award it jointly to two men who talk and say nothing for a living. Micheal Owen and Owen Hargreaves have been droning on in the background since August now and I’d point out some ridiculous thing they said if I could remember any of it. Collectively, they are the Father Paul Stone of football punditry.
Honourable mention:
Theirry Henry arrived into the Sky Sports studio with Born Slippy as his soundtrack and Martin Tyler’s orgasmic HENNNRRRRRYYYYYYY trailing after him but no one seemed to comprehend that the former French international would have to talk and offer a view on a game and not merely knee-slide across the studio. Henry has so far been a very expensive prop and offers all the insight of a cinema timetable.
The 'When Alan Hansen was on Match of the Day' Award for Best Football Show:
Winner: The European Football Show - BT.
A ridiculously simple concept – all the goals from football’s major leagues (or those you have the rights to) and a little chat with a few journalists. BT’s European Football show is fronted by the continually excellent James Richardson and offers up gossip, dad jokes and goals. Simple and effective.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1XLR5OI3EI
The 'Easy Easy Easy Soccer AM' award for Worst Football Show
Winner: Fletch and Sav
It’s right there in the title. The two lads beckon you in on a Saturday morning and everything is so comfy and banterish that we only need nicknames. Throw in the previous mentioned assortment of talking heads and you have a show that barely qualifies as hangover-friendly.
Sadly for some, the programme has been axed.
Why is @FletchAndSav ending on @btsport?????
Love that show. Don't understand this decision. @RobbieSavage8 @DFletcherSport.— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 7, 2016
The Brian Glanville award for best columnist
Winner: Daniel Taylor, The Guardian.
On this side of the ocean, Ken Early is consistently insightful and eloquent in the Irish Times while the Irish Examiner offer the egg-baiting brilliance of Larry Ryan and the excellence of Liam Mackey.
But it’s Daniel Taylor in the Guardian who takes the prize. How else would we know about the assistant who would use a hair dryer to warm Roberto Mancini’s jumper at Man City or about that time the then Man City manager Mel Machin let a comedian take the half-time talk during a league game?
The Hugh McIlvanney award for Best Line:
Winner: Jonathan Liew, the Telegraph
Barney Ronay of The Guardian has a particular talent for a lyrical zinger, consider this on Andy Carroll possibly going to the Euros:
“The suggestion is Roy Hodgson may now consider “taking him to France”. Because this is what you do with Carroll. You don’t select him. You “take him”, you ship him out, like mobilising some particularly fearsome piece of weaponry, battering at the container walls as the ships leave Dover, peering out at the cowering villagers as the colony thunders south through Normandy.”
But it is the Telegraph’s Jonathan Liew who deservedly takes the prize for somehow encapsulating Sam Allardyce's entire being in one perfectly formed sentence:
“No manager enjoys talking about his own victories as much as Sam Allardyce. In the aftermath of a big win – and there can have been few bigger than this – he gushes with the self-satisfied vainglory of a man savouring his own farts.”
The Montrose Three award for best panel
Winner: RTE
Not a vintage year but this summer we’ll have to say goodbye. No more Chippy and Eamon fighting for the very soul of the game. No more Gilesy calling it as he sees it. The power of the panel was never as evident as in the aftermath of John O’Shea’s dramatics in Germany. As we were all losing the run of ourselves, Montrose were uttering their disapproval of the performance and we all consequently uttered our disapproval of them for ruining our fun. They were often hopelessly out of touch, details were never really on the radar and often, you couldn’t make out what they were saying.
But it was always showbiz baby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRIzuJ6cZzk
The 'BT' award for worst panel
Winner: BT
Take your pick from whatever combination they wheel out.
The 'Not In A Gillion Years' award for Paul Merson rant of the year
Winner: The one that covered John Stones’ positional play, Roberto Martinez’ delusion and Men in Black together in under three minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o54znZ9RSHw
The '(Insert Journalist Name Here) award for Ordinary Hack With the Biggest Notions Beyond His Station award
Winner: Henry Winter
There was some high level movement across Fleet Street this season with Sam Wallace for example moving to the Telegraph and Sunday Supplement anchor Neil Ashton moving to The Sun.
The two managed to move with minimal fuss as befitting their station, but when Henry Winter left The Telegraph to join The Times, he felt it was a good idea to imagine a scenario where he takes surprise calls from Roy Hodgson before telling him he’s too busy to talk but not busy enough that he can’t tell him about his big move.
All those twitter followers have gone to his head:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XngPhJR6ShY
The 'Obviously That Was An Inexactitude' award for Shattered Fourth Wall Moment of the Season
Winner: Rodgers sacking reaches Sky panel
Think way back to October 2015. Arsenal had just blitzed Man United 3-0 at the Emirates and Greame Souness, Thierry Henry and Jaime Carragher were cooped up in the Sky Studio when news broke that Brendan Rodgers had been sacked by Liverpool.
The resulting moment stormed across the internet as Henry placed his hand without consent on Carragher’s leg and the Liverpool man slowly moved his gaze right into the camera and figuratively screamed at us all that he was being held against his will.
A moment for all time.
