In the spirit of the no longer active Ken Burley we have sought to inject some spice into the upcoming Ireland-Wales fixture. For rarely has the build up to a Six Nations opener been accompanied by so much apathy.
To that end, yesterday we tentatively proposed the idea that Wales had now replaced England as our greatest enemies in the Six Nations.
The answer, to judge by the polling numbers thus far, has been a resounding 'no, they haven't'.
No matter, today we stoke the fires once more by reminding everyone of some of Welsh rugby's finest pantomime villains in Irish eyes.
5. Tony Copsey
An English born lock and an unwitting hero to some in this country. Tony Copsey decorated the otherwise execrable 1992 Five Nations tie between Ireland and Wales with a box to the head of Neil Francis.
Franno was a classy lineout operator who starred in Ireland's great moral victory against Australia in the 1991 World Cup. Copsey, a comparatively humble figure, was struggling to cope with his opposite number. He hit upon a blunt solution early doors.
By rights, it should have been a straight red card. English referee Fred Howard opted for leniency on the charmingly amateurish rationale that 'there are only two Englishmen on the field and I want it to stay that way.'
Wales hadn't won in the Five Nations since 1989 and they had recently lost to Western Samoa (thank god it wasn't the whole... etc, etc) and been utterly destroyed by the Aussies in their World Cup pool.
But Ireland proceeded to lose by a point to one of the worst Welsh teams ever assembled.
4. Brian Price
Ireland traveled to Cardiff on the penultimate weekend (Ireland had a bye week on Week 5) of the 1969 Five Nations still chasing the Grand Slam, their first in twenty years.
Irish flanker Noel 'Noisy' Murphy was earmarked as the star man and was playing in what he knew would be his last cap. The Welsh formulated a plan entitled 'The Murphy Plan' which was carried out enthusiastically by captain Brian Price.
The plan was clever or sophisticated but it was somewhat effective. Mervyn Davies, the late Welsh no. 8, described the events in his book 'In Strength and Shadow'.
The only way a team could beat Ireland was to stop them killing the ball, in particular Noel Murphy, the flank forward. When it came to ball killing, he was a master... Clive Rowlands (the Welsh coach) or Brian Price or one of the players came up with a devastatingly simple plan. If Noel Murphy wasn't on the pitch then he wouldn't be a problem. Ireland weren't about to drop him so we had to take responsibility for his absence. The Murphy plan was fiendishly simple. From the very first scrum, Gareth Edwards would take the ball and run straight into him. When Murphy hauled Gareth down every member of the Welsh pack would run over the Irishman and with luck put him out of the match. 'Jeez', I thought 'Here I am playing international rugby with the best against the best and we're planning to do this.' I went along with it because I was a new boy and unwilling to break ranks, but my heart wasn't in it.
Some of the Welsh lads had been so indoctrinated into 'Get Murphy' you could almost see the steam rising from their ears. A maul formed on the halfway line, right in front of the young Prince of Wales. Brian Price, our captain, a class act and a superb player saw Murphy's head pop out of the side of the maul and went for him with a haymaker. Brian always protested that he was retaliating after someone went for his eyes but he wasn't entirely convincing. It was a poor shot but it made contact.
The Irish players didn't whinge too loudly once the game was over but we are forsaking this kind of stoical behaviour. Price and Murphy are now friends, we hasten to add.
3. Warren Gatland
Not only is he not a Welshman but he was first brought to coach in the northern hemisphere by the people in Connacht.
All the same, he's been coach of Wales now for a long time now and is apparently now unable to pass a microphone without aiming a jibe at Ireland. There's been too much written about this.
2. Mike Phillips
If one was to conduct a poll of the most unpopular players among Irish supporters, then, amidst a host of snarling English players like Dylan Hartley and Chris Ashton, it is probable one would find Mike Phillips easily holding his own in such a contest. The most cursory canvassing of supporters' opinions reveals as much.
More importantly and more worryingly from the perspective of his future health and well-being, he is by far the most unpopular Welsh player among One Direction fans.
Westmeath's Niall Horan was thoroughly unimpressed by Phillips' show of aggression at the end of the 2014 Six Nations clash.
Taking on the One Directioners showed Phillips' outstanding bravery. Personally, I found it admirable though the majority of the nation appears to disagree.
this is still my favourite. "bring the rest of the beatles with you" ?? pic.twitter.com/gkLiwfq865
— chloe✨ (@chloeleighbrain) February 7, 2015
1. The ball-boy at the Wales-Ireland game 2011
We don't know the boy's name but we won't forget him. He connived with Matthew Rees and the aforementioned Mike Phillips to manufacture a larcenous and ultimately decisive seven pointer in the 2011 Six Nations clash in Cardiff.
The try in question achieved the impressive feat of being awarded despite being illegal on four separate counts. The bulk of Welsh supporters responded unsympathetically to Irish complaints, referring instead to usually unspecified incidents of Irish good luck in Cardiff down the years. The most recent anyone could cite was a dodgy try scored by Paul Dean in 1989.
This kid has faded into the background since Stephen Jones proclaimed him the unsung hero of the 2011 championship in the Sunday Times but we remember him.
His defenders might say that he was hardly to know what Matthew Rees and Mike Phillips were going to do with the ball but we find this to be a quite pathetic defence.
The most notorious Welsh pantomime villain of them all.
