The centrality and importance of the Grand Slam in the Six Nations has, on many occasions down the years, provided us with a uniquely rugby-ish spectacle - namely, that of the player with a face like a smacked arse hoisting a trophy above his shoulders.
No country has performed this strange ritual more than England.
Six Nations history is littered with examples of England players trudging out with glum faces to pick up their gong before slipping down the dressing room, leaving the lap of honour to their opponents.
England head to Paris as favourites tomorrow. But they've mucked up their lines on the final day before. Sometimes, they've lost even the consolation of the championship.
5. 2000
England had won all their matches. Scotland had lost all their matches. The Grand Slam was regarded as a fait accompli. On a slippy-slidey day, the Scots skated their way to a 19-13 win, their first win in the fixture since the 1990 Grand Slam.
On a slippy-slidey day, the Scots skated their way to a 19-13 win, their first win in the fixture since the 1990 Grand Slam.
Out-half Duncan Hodge scored all of Scotland's points, including a try under the posts. The English, imperious for the entirety of the tournament, crumbled as the pressure piled on.
4. 1999
Not only were England denied a Grand Slam in the final seconds, but the consolation of the championship was ripped from their hands as well.
Scott Gibbs barrelled through the English defensive line and then slalomed past the back three to touch down. Eddie Butler implored him not to celebrate before touching down.
With the five points secured and the conversion to come, Wales trailed by a point.
The most reliable kicker of his day, Neil Jenkins, looked faintly bored as the rest of the stadium was suffering a collective heart scare. He absent-mindedly pulled some turf off his studs and stroked the ball over.
Younger followers find it hard to credit that Scotland were the winners of the final Five Nations championship.
3. 2011
The most unprepossessing England team to ever claim the Six Nations championship had bundled over Wales in Cardiff and then won three from three in Twickers.
They faced an Ireland team who had endured an unimaginably frustrating spring, somehow losing to France despite playing all the rugby, and were then denied by a bewilderingly awful refereeing call in Cardiff.
England were demolished in Dublin and were deeply flattered to lose by a mere 16 points. It's now almost totally forgotten that England won that year's championship.
Naturally, following their spanking in Lansdowne, this video was leaked as a matter of public service to ensure maximum humiliation.
2. 1990
To the Scots, this is their 'Croke Park 2007' and their 'Cardiff Grand Slam 2009' all rolled into one. It was the first time England faced a Scottish team in Murrayfield who sang 'Flower of Scotland' rather than 'God Save the Queen'.
England had steamrolled everyone and were comfortably the best team in the championship. The press had determined it a near formality that England would complete their perfect season.
Scotland were still chasing the Slam themselves, but to the southern press, this was a mere afterthought, a sideshow. In accumulating their wins, the Scots had been much less swaggering and cavalier than their opponents.
A match so significant books have been written about it.
1. 2001
Warren Gatland's last game as Ireland coach. Many still feel we took a wrong turn when relieving him of his responsibilities.
The game is principally remembered for Keith Wood's exhilarating try and the famous ankle tap in history. We should play all Six Nations games in October.
Honorable mentions: 2013
In this country, we hadn't quite the stomach to watch rugby anymore after shipping our first defeat to Italy in sixteen years. Peter O'Mahony is a versatile man but sticking him out on the wing proved a bridge too far. Florence Nightingale would have thrown her hands in the air in vexation and bemusement at the state of the Irish crisis that year.
Over in Cardiff, they were enjoying a party as they demolished England's Grand Slam hopes and managed to take the championship off while they were at it.
