And so WWE Survivor Series proved to be as unremarkable as it looked beforehand on paper. A brilliant opening, 5-on-5 Survivor Series match that saw Roman Reigns give a career performance to be the sole survivor against Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Rey Mysterio and the Usos, proved to be the high point of a night where pretty much everything else went to script. John Cena retained his World Heavyweight Championship against Alberto Del Rio, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan eased past the Wyatts, and Randy Orton and Big Show underwhelmed even more than anyone could’ve anticipated with a rushed main event that saw Orton hold onto his WWE Championship. The only noteworthy points seem to be Cena and Orton set for a Champion vs Champion showdown in the near future and Vince McMahon’s return after the pay-per view went off the air.
Ah yes, it’s nights like this that adult WWE fans in Ireland need Twitter and/or booze. So while some packed out the Woolshed Baa in Dublin, the rest flocked to Twitter to collectively joke about the evening’s goings on. Here are the highlights:
The kick-off match between Kofi Kingston and Miz confused more than entertained…
The new heel wins ... by doing nothing heelish. And he shook Kofi's hand before the match. Weird. #WWE #SurvivorSeries
— The History of WWE (@TheHistoryofWWE) November 25, 2013
Rey Mysterio’s ring attire a throwback to the old days…
In Mexico, wrestling helmets have a long tradition.
— Colt Cabana (@ColtCabana) November 25, 2013
This would be helpful, and also make for a fun episode…
Can the one Uso who's on #TotalDivas please get a giant E! tattoo on his back? #SurvivorSeries
— Marty DeRosa (@MartyDeRosa) November 25, 2013
A believable analysis as to how the hell Zeb Coulter ended up twerking…
I like to think Vince McMahon just Googled ''what kids talk about', saw 'Twerk' and just said ''Yeah, we'll talk about that!''
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) November 25, 2013
This was the bookie’s favourite…
I bet Rey Mysterio's knee is the first member of the Survivor Series team to be eliminated.
— lindsey (@loveablelinds) November 25, 2013
Probably applies to the remaining Irish people who weren’t in Woolshed last night…
''When we say µ, you tell us how how you're going to watch the PPV.'' ''µ!'' ''Torrent!''
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) November 25, 2013
The dream match nobody was waiting for, but would be kinda cool…
As soon as I turn on, @WWERomanReigns big spear. He could be a star. Especially if I work with him.
— JakeSnakeDDT (@JakeSnakeDDT) November 25, 2013
Now imagine you had to see it on a big screen…
Confused adolescent boy has strange tingly feeling when looking at Big E Langston's voluptuous curves. #SurvivorSeries
— Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) November 25, 2013
Whatcha gonna do, JoJo?
JoJomania starts tonight at the @WWE #SurvivorSeries. Wait for it!
— Marty DeRosa (@MartyDeRosa) November 25, 2013
Iron Shiek wasn’t even watching Survivor Series, but still stole the show on Twitter…
Respect the Miss Piggy more than the Miley Cyrus
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 25, 2013
Mark Henry’s new look also bore resemblance to a Mohawk-less Mr T…
SHADES OF JYD!!!
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) November 25, 2013
Okay, one more…
Man, Kimbo Slice got fat. #SurvivorSeries
— Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) November 25, 2013
YES!
Ok guys. I need @wwe dopplegangers. GO #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/d8gyzGTYOh
— Xavier Woods (@XavierWoodsPhD) November 25, 2013
These are the kind of questions people pay good money to have answered…
How can Cena possibly overcome the man he just beat the other week? #SurviviorSeries
— Attitude Era Podcast (@AEPodcast) November 25, 2013
John Cena in being able to do athletic wrestling move shocker…
Cena seems as shocked as I am that he hit a tornado DDT.
— Max Landis (@Uptomyknees) November 25, 2013
Look it’s not as if he’s sitting there on the edge of his seat or anything…
Ya think even Vince is bored of Cena matches & just counts merch money during them? #SurviveTheWoolshed
— Rick Nash (@AMTRick) November 25, 2013
John Laurinitis’ surprise cameo was the biggest twist of the night…
We all popped for Big Johnny. All of us.
— King Ishmael (@BlueThunderBomb) November 25, 2013
Life after Daniel Bryan in the main event begins…
@TheHistoryofWWE I cant wait to see the buy rates. Because they cant blame it on Daniel Bryan anymore.
— John Stocco (@ILikeJohnStocco) November 25, 2013
Punk’s top-rope elbow drop is a dead ringer for Macho Man’s…
Terrible elbow, so endearing <3
— HEELWrestling (@HEELWrestling) November 25, 2013
There once was a man called Randy/who, when he wrestled, took it handy…
@Maffewgregg It was a night like this / forty million years ago / Orton put on a sleeper / saw the crowd all start to go
— Jean-Christian (@kizofieva) November 25, 2013
The only difference is that this time the fans got screwed…
Not for nothing but @BretHart just said that this was the worst Survivor Series finish of all time #SurvivorSeries
— WWE Creative Humor (@WWECreative_ish) November 25, 2013
To the ire of paying fans on Twitter, it all went down after the PPV went off-air…
Vinny Mac is here! #WWESurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/meDeMMYBC1
— Hurricanrana (@TheHurricanrana) November 25, 2013
Leading to obvious questions like this…
Apparently Cena challenged Orton and then challenged HHH and crowd went nuts. WHY NOT PUT THAT ON A PPV!?
— Hunter P. (@FaceVHeel) November 25, 2013
But there was a silver lining…
Be fair, guys. BIG JOHNNY IS BACK.
— HEELWrestling (@HEELWrestling) November 25, 2013
WWE Survivor Series Quick Results
Kickoff Match: THE MIZ defeated KOFI KINGSTON by pinfall
5-on-5 Survivor Series Match: THE SHIELD & REAL AMERICANS defeated GOLDUST, CODY RHODES, REY MYSTERIO & THE USOS (ROMAN REIGNS was sole survivor)
Intercontinental Champion, BIG E LANGSTON defeated CURTIS AXEL by pinfall
MARK HENRY defeated RYBACK by pinfall
7-on-7 Survivor Series Match: TEAM TOTAL DIVAS defeated TEAM NOT TOTAL DIVAS (NATALYA & NIKKI BELLA survived)
CM PUNK & DANIEL BRYAN defeated THE WYATT FAMILY by pinfall
WWE Champion, RANDY ORTON defeated BIG SHOW by pinfall
Rick Nash is a former professional wrestler and the founder of WWE Parties Ireland, running fan nights for big WWE pay-per views. He is also a DJ and terrible sports gambler, so feel free to share some tips with him on Twitter.
