Páraic Duffy today announced he is stepping down as the Director-General of the GAA, and will have amassed ten years of service by the time he steps away in March of next year. New GAA Directors-General in the GAA are about twice as rare as new popes: Duffy is the fourth man to have the role since 1921. (There have been eight popes in that time).
So, naturally, the replacement of Duffy is going to be big news, and the jostling for succession will be a dominant storyline over the winter news cycle. So let's kick it off as we present our nominations for the role. Here are eight people we would like to see be put before a Selection Committee presumably chaired by Peter Quinn. (In observance of the unwritten rule that all GAA committees must be chaired by Peter Quinn).
Michael O'Leary
For more than a decade, someone will occasionally chirp up to expound their belief that Michael O'Leary should be running the country, given the very fine job he has done with Ryanair. We're not sure how the recent shenanigans at Ryanair will affect his credentials as Taoiseach, but his blithe ignorance toward the concerns of the vast majority of his important staff would transfer well to the GAA role, which is currently occupied with forgetting about the club player.
It would be interesting to see how cheap he could sell a match ticket for too. Fans, presumably, would have to pay to have other features in this event. While we expect them to stump up for a referee and a football or a sliotar, would they pay for the black card? Or the use of the bathrooms? Or the obligatory airing of the Black Eyed Peas upon conclusion of an All-Ireland final at Croke Park?
John Delaney
John Delaney, after all, could run anything. Certainly better than Sepp Blatter.
Michelle Mulherin
The role demands a nominee who recognises the true value of the GAA, and who better than The Brave Crusading Politician standing up for the little guys (those in the Seanad) in the divvying out of All-Ireland final tickets.
Bono
A man intimately acquainted with the benefits of selling out Croke Park, something which will be demanded of whoever takes up the job. We can imagine that were he to become the head of the GAA, however, his ever-twitching moral fibre would be aroused by the names of some of the GAA's competitions, and their links to Republicans of yesteryear.
The GAA president Aoghan O'Feraghail speculated earlier this year that there may come a time when the GAA may have to rid itself of the national anthem and the Irish flag, and Bono may be the man to guide the GAA to this Brave New World. Expect him to rename competitions and their trophies to cause as little offence as possible: The Daniel O'Donnell Cup; Páirc Ui Irish Stew etc. (These are terrible examples as we do not possess Bono's prodigious gift for being dull).
Buff Egan
The GAA is standing on the Rubicon of a brave new era of disruptive technology, and who better to navigate these unknown waters than the Snapchat-wielding Robin Hood of untelevised hurling: Buff Egan. With hurling in its present danger of being forgotten about under the Super 8s, perhaps the GAA needs a Director-General who places hurling above all else. Except occasionally cooking.
The Croke Park Residents
Residents of Jones' Road, unite! Here is your opportunity to infiltrate the GAA to ensure that the next time Gareth Brooks comes to Ireland, he'll have to go to Cork.
Joe Brolly
Brolly has proved himself a prodigious talent at diagnosing the GAA's problems, so here is his chance to do something about the issues currently assailing the organisation. His appointment would also jazz up Congress, with the submission of each proposal presumably met with a valedictory, 'What Do You Think Of That, Joe Brolly?'
Imelda May
Most likely to abandon her tour to take up the role. You can't argue with that kind of dedication.
See Also: Pat Gilroy Has Finally Been Confirmed As Dublin's New Hurling Manager
