Alright, calm down. Every year panic sets in during WWE's February pay-per view as fans realise how close we are to WrestleMania and how little is actually set in stone. The card tends to disappoint - with WWE not yet willing to show their hand for the next month's 'Grand Daddy of 'Em All' - and though in previous years we've had the prospect of an Elimination Chamber match to console us, with that idea being shelved in favour of the 'Fast Lane' concept in February, a poor offering from WWE last night (not helped by a silent Memphis crowd in attendance) doesn't necessarily spell doom for WrestleMania 31. Besides it was free, either on the WWE Network or (randomly) on Sky One. So chill.
What did we learn ahead of Mania? Well Roman Reigns is officially slated to go one-on-one with Brock Lesnar after a clean win over Daniel Bryan in the night's fun main event. Bray Wyatt challenged The Undertaker after doing a mock-Deadman entrance. Sting and Triple H was effectively made official after the two brawled during their scheduled 'confrontation'. The Bulgarian Brute, Rusev, retained his US Title by nefarious means against John Cena, presumably setting up a rematch in March. See also: Dean Ambrose and Bad News Barrett after the former's disqualification. And Randy Orton is back, making the save against The Authority after the opening 6-man tag to set up a collision course with Seth Rollins.
Poor pay-per views generally make for fun nights on Twitter, though. Here's the best of last night's action...
The Road to WrestleMania 31 in Woolshed, Dublin is on. Here's our Avengers-themed poster that topped the charts in Reddit's pro-wrestling section...
Well lads, what do you make of our amazing Avengers-theme poster for #WoolshedMania4?? Credit to @JADESWISSROLL. pic.twitter.com/GOfozxc7b9
— Rick Nash (@AMTRick) February 22, 2015
People went all out to mark WWE's first ever 'Fast Lane' pay-per view...
Watching this in bed #FastLane pic.twitter.com/3Zgq0jIOiq
— rovert (@SoDuTw) February 23, 2015
Finn Balor was otherwise occupied with driving lessons...
I'm in the SLOW lane #DustysDrivingSchool #WWEFastlane @WWEDustyRhodes pic.twitter.com/0h0Xct7IDJ
— Finn Bálor (@wwebalor) February 23, 2015
Sign of the night goes to...
BARNET 1 GRIMSBY 3 HAHAHAHA Top quality sign. League Two banter.
— HEELWrestling (@HEELWrestling) February 23, 2015
Even Zack Ryder thought this was stupid...
As predictions go, it's out there. Also Zack knows his role then. #WWEFastLane #LowBlows pic.twitter.com/6aM2HtwZcL
— christopher morley (@stagmor13) February 23, 2015
Some wrestlers weren't bothered with WWE's offering and chose to watch the Oscars instead...
Best Picture: Rambo Best Screenplay: Rambo Best Actor: Rambo Best Supporting Actor: Rambo Best Actress: ...Rambo #Oscars
— Rockstar Spud (@RockstarSpud) February 23, 2015
The opener wasn't exactly a high-flying, blink-and-you'll-miss-it classic...
only in today's creative can you start a PPV called FAST LANE by having an opener involving Rowan, Big Show and Kane #WWEFastLane
— Bryan Rose (@br26) February 23, 2015
And, of all people...Kane got the win?
Kane pins Dolph. It's 2009, the last few years were a dream.
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) February 23, 2015
We forgot all about it as this guy came back after the match...
Miss me? #WWEFastLane
— Randy Orton (@RandyOrton) February 23, 2015
Stardust debuted new ring attire and face paint to match his new attitude...
Where have we seen Stardust's lipstick before? #WWEFastLane #LowBlows pic.twitter.com/Rgb4x9Lqa3
— Paul McGrath (@WesterosBatman) February 23, 2015
Stardust/Goldust didn't exactly engage the crowd...
Guy in the crowd banging Goldust and Stardust masks together like the last boss fight in Crash Bandicoot 3: highlight of the night.
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) February 23, 2015
Twitter started drifting too...
You know what this match needs? More face paint ???? #WWEFastLane pic.twitter.com/Orodkh2Hoh
— Breanne Christina (@HighestHEELS_x) February 23, 2015
The finished ended up getting botched after Stardust clearly kicked out...
Happy I waited three years for that. #FastLane
— Bryan Alvarez (@bryanalvarez) February 23, 2015
Prompting the unlikeliest of outcomes...
Last time Goldust pinned someone in a singles match on an American WWE PPV: 2/14/99, the Blue Meanie. #wwefastlane @WNSource @WrestleChatNet
— Justin Henry (@JRHWriting) February 23, 2015
This PPV was dying on it's arse and the crowd weren't helping...
“When I say Uce, you say…anything. Seriously. Just say something crowd you’re killing me here.” #WWEFastLane #LowBlows
— Rick Nash (@AMTRick) February 23, 2015
Lilian Garcia was losing the plot on ring announcing duties too...
"Still the new WWE Tag Team Champions..." #WWEFastLane
— The History of WWE (@TheHistoryofWWE) February 23, 2015
There comes a stage where you have to give up the facepaint and leather jackets lads and grow up...
I'm super excited for this most likely boring sit down between two dads. #WWEconstructionzone
— Top Rope Tuesday (@TopRopeTuesday) February 23, 2015
Aw, this used to be so cool back in the day. Now it's getting sad...
Dad's been to the Harley Davidson shop, he's back with a new jacket. pic.twitter.com/gW3tNUb54v
— Tom aka The Big Dog™ (@TomBlargh) February 23, 2015
Sting and Triple H's confrontation sparked obvious questions...
If Sting was waiting backstage why didn't HHH talk to him there? #LowBlows
— Darren Allam (@Dazza1889) February 23, 2015
Watching WWE pay-per views makes fans something something...
it’s a bat not a gun you dummy wrestling is so stupid sting is the worst what am I doing with my life
— Jeff Gerstmann (@jeffgerstmann) February 23, 2015
Next up was the Divas Title match between Nikki Bella and the UK's Paige...
For the record WWE, Girls in the UK now look more like Nikki than they do Paige. Just saying. #WWEFastLane
— WrestlingNewsSource (@WNSource) February 23, 2015
Still people were drifting...
My mate: "Nikki Bella is the perfect colour of a roast chicken for Sunday lunch."
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) February 23, 2015
I bet Brie shouts from bedside when Nikki's getting down with John. #WWEFastLane
— Lucha Teacher (@HEELTeacher) February 23, 2015
Still Lilian Garcia was drifting...
"WWE Womens champion... Nikki Bellaaaah" exsqueeze me Lilian Garcia? #LowBlows
— Swisster Abigail (@JADESWISSROLL) February 23, 2015
There's no place like home, there's no place like home...
It's at times like this I think to myself "NXT Takeover is just a few clicks away"
— Wrestling Memes (@Wrestling_Memes) February 23, 2015
Iron Shiek had switched off altogether...
THE NEIL PATRICK HARRIS JOKES WORSE THAN DEAD DOG #Oscar2015
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) February 23, 2015
Ambrose/Barrett ended because Ambrose...beat him up too much he got...disqualified?
"Duuur whats a clean finish? Im dumb as fuck." - actual quote from WWE. #FastLane #LowBlows
— Swisster Abigail (@JADESWISSROLL) February 23, 2015
11 days ago Kevin Owens became the NXT champion for that exact same finish.
— King of Tweet Style (@DanTheDazzler) February 23, 2015
I hope William Regal openly mocks this finish on NXT this week. #FastLane
— Bryan Alvarez (@bryanalvarez) February 23, 2015
Business needed to start picking up...
Druids!!! So Zack Ryder IS working tonight.
— Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) February 23, 2015
The Druids made their way out to the stage and the bong hit...
Undertaker is back!! This is almost as cool as me. #WWEFastLane
— Becky Lynch (@BeckyLynchWWE) February 23, 2015
Psyche!
PLOT TWIST pic.twitter.com/xwjcnZO7ir
— WrestlinGifs (@WrestlinGifs) February 23, 2015
Nope, it was Bray Wyatt cutting a promo challenging Undertaker for WrestleMania 31...
"The first time I saw him. He was on a motorbike. Behind him was Fred Durst. I feared him."
— Dan (@GolazoDan) February 23, 2015
Cena/Rusev next, and this one was personal...
Super point on Cena wearing the colours of Ukraine. TAKE THAT, VLADIMIR.
— HEELWrestling (@HEELWrestling) February 23, 2015
It ended when Rusev cheated and choked Cena out...
Well, that didnt work out like Rocky IV!! #WWEFastLane
— Scott Stanford (@scottstanford1) February 23, 2015
This pleases JR...
Nicely done...villain cheats to win...not an over thought scenario... #cenavsrusev #WWEFastLane
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) February 23, 2015
Main event time! Roman Reigns vs Daniel Bryan for the right to face Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania...
This is like Hogan vs. Warrior. If Hogan and Warrior were regular dudes. And Warrior was big into submission wrestling. #WWEFastLane
— The History of WWE (@TheHistoryofWWE) February 23, 2015
Even former WWE wrestlers were starting to partake in the randomness now...
Can't shake the feeling the the #PrimeTimePlayers are going to play a major role in the #RomanVsBryan match. #Fastlane
— Mick Foley (@realmickfoley) February 23, 2015
It was actually an action-packed match filled with cool spots like this...
Bryan flies with a tope suicida, but Reigns catches him and hits a huge overhead belly-to-belly suplex! #WWEFastLane pic.twitter.com/SekLa62pmW
— LARIATOOOOO!!! (@SenorLARIATO) February 23, 2015
And awkward screengrabs like this...
And what exactly are we to believe Daniel Bryan was going to do in this scenario? #WWEFastLane #RomanvsBryan pic.twitter.com/7zk7b1J0zR
— Chris Harrington (@mookieghana) February 23, 2015
Roman Reigns won. And to be fair the crowd's reaction was consistent with the rest of the night...
That sound you hear is nothing. That's the pop your babyface got on the "Road to WrestleMania." WWE is so stubborn. #WWEFastLane
— Jonathan Snowden (@mmaencyclopedia) February 23, 2015
This crowd is acting like Diesel just successfully defended the WWF Title Kwang on an episode of Wrestling Challenge. #WWEFastLane
— Marty DeRosa (@MartyDeRosa) February 23, 2015
The show got a pretty unanimous thumbs down on Twitter...
#WWEFastLane was so boring @WWEBrayWyatt is still sleeping in that casket.
— Marty DeRosa (@MartyDeRosa) February 23, 2015
WWE Fast Lane - Quick Results
SETH ROLLINS, BIG SHOW & KANE defeated DOLPH ZIGGLER, RYBACK & ERICK ROWAN
GOLDUST defeated STARDUST
CESARO & TYSON KIDD defeated WWE Tag-Team Champions, THE USOS
Divas Champion, NIKKI BELLA defeated PAIGE
Intercontinental Champion, BAD NEWS BARRETT defeated DEAN AMBROSE by disqualification
US Champion, RUSEV defeated JOHN CENA
ROMAN REIGNS defeated DANIEL BRYAN to face WWE World Champion BROCK LESNAR at WrestleMania 31
Rick Nash is a former professional wrestler, the co-host of Balls.ie's official WWE podcast, Low Blows, and the founder of WWE Parties Ireland who hosted their WWE WrestleMania 31 Party in Woolshed Baa & Grill, Dublin next month. He is also a DJ and terrible sports gambler, so feel free to share some tips with him on Twitter.
