It was an extraordinary year for mediocrity in Irish sports, a year where averageness reaped great rewards, both at home and abroad. Before the calendar turns, we'd like to take the opportunity to celebrate the most average sporting displays of the year.
Commentator of the Year: Peter Collins- Here's how ordinary Peter Collins is: when five people pop up on Twitter imitating him, its somehow believable that all of them could be Montrose's second-string football highlights presenter. A number of his RTE colleagues even followed the original Traveller-slagging Collins imitator, which shows how well his co-workers know him. Collins is the epitome of RTE blandness - entirely proficient, seemingly passionate about sport, but lacking a sliver of charisma to connect with viewers at home. As Harry Browne wrote in the Mail, he was the perfect target for Twitter imitators because he was neither too well-known nor too obscure. He was simply Peter Collins, a window into all of our souls. This year his averageness fuelled a twisted internet meme, if Ireland has such things.
The Turning Mediocrity Into Annoying Celebrity Award: The Dublin footballers- The Dubs played six minutes that everyone will remember for a long time, but that came after a season of uninspiring and often tortorous football. For most of the season, they were essentially Donegal with better hair products and worse accents. They were lucky against Kildare and Wexford, and then lucky with their draw in the All-Ireland. Bar a few golden moments against a wilting Tyrone team, Dublin's football was turgid, blue-collar stuff. Now that they kings of capital, we'll see if they pursue greatness with aplomb or simply return to a more toxic and familiar kind of mediocrity.
Mediocre Manager Of The Year: Davy Fitz- This is perhaps a selection to commemorate Davy Fitz's reign as Waterford manager, which was one of the most successful displays of mediocrity in recent Irish sports memory. Waterford gladly filled the void of the fourth best hurling team in Ireland over the last number of years. Under Davy Fitz, Waterford were notable by not being Galway. Unlike Galway, they did not tantalise their supporters with flashes of magic only to break their hearts. No, Waterford simply persisted and inevitably reached All-Ireland semifinal after All-Ireland semifinal. Their semifinal loss to Kilkenny was mediocrity at its finest, valiant and dignified (so much so that many onlookers thought Kilkenny was busted) but never in the least bit threatening.
Mediocre Tennis Player Of The Year: Conor Niland-- Have the first rounds - not to mention the qualifiers - at Wimbledon and the US Open ever mattered more to a nation? The green bandwagon was squarely behind the Limerick man for his early week performances at Wimbledon and the US Open. Even if nerves and vomiting ultimately undid Niland, and left him sadly short of the opportunity to lose heroically to Roger Federer, he established himself squarely in the mold of mediocre athletes whose performances, and ultimate failure, are somehow captivating. We wish him further 'success' next year.
Grand Prize For Mindbending Mediocrity: Anyone from the Irish football team not named Richard Dunne - Think back before Estonia and remember that magnificent streak of mediocrity that was the Euro 2012 campaign. Scary home win against Macedonia, nil all at home to Slovakia, the 'thrashing' of 10-man Armenia in Dublin come to mind. Bar Dunne, no memorable performances come to mind, no displays of something approaching greatness. Just honest, ugly bloody-mindedness. Nice job, Trap.
Special Merit Of Mediocrity: John Hayes- A famous career of baldness and collapsing scrums has come to an end. Thank you, the Bull.
