It's no secret that we're massive beard advocates here at Balls HQ, with at least one of our writers sporting a particularly hideous, amber-tinged cookie-duster, much to the ridicule of his peers. I won't lie to you - that person is me.
Within Irish sport, beards are to the mid-2010s what frosted tips were to the mid-noughties; elite-level athletes like myself, Shane Lowry, Gordon D'Arcy and John Muldoon have all embraced the soup-strainer in the past 18 months. For the love of God, Rosscommon footballer Aidan Devaney looked like a mystical wizard of some description before capturing the coveted Balls.ie Beard Bracket title as 2015 drew to a close.
But the perception that sporting beards are merely a fashion statement is a misconception. For most beard-merchants, the rigours of everyday life and unforgiving training schedules mean athletes simply cannot keep up with their own facial hair.
The likes of Shane Lowry and myself, for example, are so dedicated to our respective crafts of world class golf and Junior B football that we can no longer dedicate ourselves to the maintenance of our own faces.
In beard lore it's known as The Point Of No Return, i.e. the moment when there are no longer enough hours in the day to assign to the tidying of a beard, and so instead it's allowed to run wild for months on end. By then, many will deem the prospect of shaving too painful to even consider as a possibility.
For me, however, my feral fuzz began to interfere with my work, causing some unfortunate incidents involving my keyboard. The authorities at Balls.ie were forced to step in.
We've had to send @GavanCasey to London to learn how to shave properly with @GilletteUK. He's a truly disgusting beast. #ShieldWhileYouShave
— Balls.ie (@ballsdotie) January 20, 2016
I joined Gillette in London for the launch of their brand new Fusion Proshield blade, their thinnest, finest blade designed to tug less while shaving. At last, I saw hope.
According to recent studies by the folks at Gillette, most men take on average 170 strokes every time they shave, with 120 of them being re-strokes over the same area of the face after the initial strokes have wiped away most of the protective shaving gel. Despite all of the advances in blade technology, many of us still experience some irritation, largely due to these re-strokes.
A spokesperson at razor giant Gillette told us:
Guys have many grooming habits that get them looking their best. But guys are often in auto-pilot mode doing these and other typical activities throughout the day. Some guy auto-pilot behaviors may include puffing up their chest when feeling provoked, stroking their facial hair when thinking, sucking in their gut when seeing an attractive person and taking a surprising number of strokes every time they shave.
I immediately puffed out my chest at the thought of my gut-sucking tactic being exposed. The Gillette spokesperson continued:
When it comes to shaving on auto-pilot, guys re-stroke over the same area, wiping away the shave gel. Shaving over the same spot without lubrication can cause skin irritation, redness and bumps that keep guys from looking and feeling their best. That’s why Gillette developed Fusion ProShield, engineered to proactively shield against irritation, with new lubrication before the blades in addition to the Lubrastrip after the blades, while still delivering incredible closeness.
The blade took four years to develop in Gillette's R&D centre in Reading, England, and provides the industry's best solution yet to the oft-maligned Irish sporting phenomenon, the Championship Stress Beard.
Everything from the shape of the razor had to be changed to allow the new Proshield to give the best shave possible:
- The new lubrication strip was added so there is now lubrication before and after the blades to shield from irritation.
- The most advanced blade coating developed especially for the Proshield.
- A new microcomb built to help guide stubble to the blades.
- A blade stabiliser was included to maintain optimal blade spacing for the beard-wearer's comfort.
- FlexBall handle which can pivot to respond to facial contours - perfect for men with oddly-shaped faces like my own.
Indeed, so smooth is the blade, security staff at London Heathrow allowed me to carry it as hand luggage, inexplicably confiscating my shaving foam in what can only be described as an act of begrudgery.
And so, perhaps instead of looking back on the beards of this decade with a similar wince to Brian O'Driscoll when he reflects on hair choices past, the bearded beasts of Irish sport - Lowry, Devaney, Muldoon et al - can instead nip the grimey beard trend in the bud, and rid their faces of everyday angst.
Fewer strokes, more time to train. It's simple. Perhaps there is a point of return after all.
