Golf hams up nauseating tradition better than any other sport, and when the Ryder Cup swings round every couple of year, they turn this reverence for tradition up to eleven, so get ready for a storm of Ryder Cup cliches.
With the compeition now upon us, here are a few of the things that we can expect to hear over the course of the three days at Hazeltine.
Expect 'the Spirit of Seve' to be supplemented with the American team 'doing to for Arnie', while there will be the usual moronic shouts of 'get in the hole' or any variation thereof.
Obviously, 'tis the season of Montgomerie vainglory, so we'll be hearing a hell of a lot of Montgomerie referencing 'his' Ryder Cup victory of the past. Elsewhere, the subscription service broadcasting the competition will frequently find the time to justify paying for the rights tell you why it is so special, so expect a lot of 'that's what the Ryder Cup is all about' and 'that's what makes the Ryder Cup so special'.
There's be the usual bluster about camaraderie and team-spirit among these individual sportspeople, and how important the role of the vice-captain is in fostering said atmosphere.
We're expecting the absence of Ian Poulter to be mentioned among these Ryder Cup cliches, along with the Miracle of Medinah. These will potentially be checked off in the same sentence. There'll be the usual tweets about this being the only time we cheer on Europe (we are going for Gary Lineker to be first out of these traps), but this time, there is a new twist: British fans ironically mentioning their support of Europe in the aftermath of Brexit. (Again, Gary Lineker our bet here).
'The U.S. are traditionally strong in the Sunday singles' are included so we have a hope of this still being relevant on Saturday. Or at least by Friday night.
The card is below:
So get in touch with us to let us know when everything is marked off, and also let us know if we miussed any glaring Ryder Cup cliches.
Design by Sean Harte.
See Also: Ranking American Golf Names In Order Of American Golfer-ness
