Do you like golf? Probably not.
Will you be forced to talk about golf at some stage over the coming days? Almost certainly.
The 2019 British Open has arrived, and it is right on our doorstep. The event will be taking place in Royal Portrush in County Antrim, the first time it has been held on the island of Ireland since 1951.
Considering this, you can guarantee it will be the talk of offices throughout the country over the rest of the week. You could try and avoid the chat altogether, but a few key phrases could be enough to impress your colleagues.
Here's our guide to shite talking your way through the 2019 Open Championship.
'The Open was actually played in Portrush before, in 1951.'
This is a good one to start off with. Let them know you know your golfing history, but if they try to develop this point you could be in bother.
'The weather will play a big part this week.'
No need to be any more specific than this. Wind, rain, who cares? It'll all play a big part this week we're sure.
'Jesus, it'll be very tough for Rory to cope with the pressure of a home crowd. He's struggled with it before.'
Rory McIlroy will be expected to challenge this week, and he is playing in front of a home crowd. He struggled for many years in the Irish Open, before finally that monkey off his back in 2016.
It'll take a brave man to argue against you.
'Tiger was great in The Masters, but he is out of practice coming into this week. Will his back even hold up in the cold weather?'
A bit more nuance to this one, but you should be grand. We all know who Tiger is, and we all know he is a bit crocked.
Bad backs and cold weather is bad news in all walks of life, we assume it's the same in golf?
'You can never back against Brooks Koepka in a major.'
You probably have no idea who Brooks Koepka is, but he is a good man to win a major. Enough said.
'Drive for show, put for dough.'
The ultimate golfing cliche. Driving may look more spectacular, but it's the putting that usually gets the job done.
'In fairness, the Americans always struggle on links courses.'
Not necessarily true, but it's a good point to throw it out there that makes you look like you know what links golf actually is.
This is a decent one, as it makes you sound well informed without actually saying anything of real substance.
'Wouldn't it be great if Harrington put a run together this week?'
We all love Harrington, and it would indeed be great if he recaptured his former glories this week.
'Whoever can get hot with the putter will have a great chance this week.'
Obviously.
'(Insert random golfer with odds of 100/1+ here) is always a decent outside bet.'
This is a great one for a number of reasons. It shows you know more than three golfers, and you will look like a genius if it comes off.
If he does nothing, nobody will be any the wiser.
'There's nothing like Tiger making a charge on the Sunday of a major.'
There really isn't.
