We discussed the sport of kings (pitch and putt) a few weeks back and now we have decided to do the same to its bigger, more respectable and more financially successful brother.
We all remember that summer when we left the comfort of the pitch and putt course and prepared to take on it's cruel relative. It was an exciting experience...but usually a deeply sobering one.
1. Watching the lad who claimed he was better at golf than pitch and putt having to come up with another excuse
Excuse makers of this type have an astonishing ability to rationalise shitness. They should be hired as government spokesmen.
2. Being eyed suspiciously by older members (who appear to live in the clubhouse) and being asked who your father is...
3. Older members becoming instantly more friendly towards you once you tell them who your Dad is
The atmosphere usually just changed like that. Unless they didn't know who your Dad was. But the chances of that were extremely remote.
4. Having to make way for the 19 year old prodigy who always goes round on his own
Joylessly banging in birdie after birdie.
5. Not being able to find your ball
The players on television never seem to have this problem
6. Assuming that the job is done once you've got to the green
Proceeding to take more shots on the green (which is needlessly huge) than you did in getting there.
7. Watching the old man who hits the ball much longer and straighter than his swing suggests he should
Golf clubs are packed with old men whose swings are idiosyncratic at best and downright ugly at worst. But they work for them.
8. 'I've actually to go and get some lessons'
You never did get those lessons did you?
9. The crap lad who always seems lose count of how many shots he hit
Drop shots, fresh air swings and unsuccessful attempts to escape bunkers tend to be forgotten about/deliberately ignored when it comes to totting up his scores.
If you are in a charitable mood or significantly ahead of him on the scorecard you may choose to indulge him.
10. Smuggling in one lad who isn't a member
You consequently spend the round trying to avoid any engagement with the ould fellas...
11. Heading out on the course brimming with enthusiasm. Coming down the 18th, tired and aching and hoping never to see a golf club again
Never have people have been as happy to plant their backside on a car seat. You'd need to be a mathematician of prodigious ability to be able to actively calculate your score.
Read more: 10 Things Everybody Who Has Played Pitch And Putt Knows To Be True
Read more: ESPN Reveals Subjects Of Four Brand New 30 For 30 Sports Documentaries
