It's Masters time and that means even people who don't watch golf are watching golf.
For those who regularly tune in for a bit of golf on TV this is an annoyance, as you spend as much time explaining why things are important as you do actually watching it, but it can also be annoying for the people who are made to watch golf despite not really wanting to.
If you fall into the latter category, or do enjoy golf but just enjoy winding people up more, then why not draw on the one common denominator golfers and non-golfers share; a knowledge of Happy Gilmore quotes.
The movie is such a comedy classic that there are few who have not seen it, so you can choose to sprinkle a few of the following standout quotes or go for a full on tirade of sampling Adam Sandler's best work (debatable, granted).
Your golfer's shot closer to the pin than someone else's: "Somebody's closer!"
You may need to work on the delivery before pulling this one out.
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Any time someone mentions pressure: "Harness the energy."
If you're in the pub on the Sunday, and someone thinks out loud regarding how the professional athlete you're watching must be bricking it under the pressure, remind them that they need to rise above it.
If you can recite the full block you've done Grandma proud.
Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and AROUND. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things.
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Putt stops agonisingly close: "Are you too good for your home?"
An especially annoying way to let other people know you've got a bet on and are emotionally invested.
You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!
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Any time someone is reading the green: "It's all in the hips."
Work with me now, it's just some friendly advice.
Just easin' the tension baby.
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When someone says a shot can't be made: "I beg to differ."
Bonus points if you can recall an actual golfer who made the shot before, otherwise just use Happy.
I beg to differ. Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
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When someone near you is frustrated: Any use of the term "Jackass."
Delivery is key:
When used in a golfing context jackass can only be associated with the film and can often spark a highly charged reaction.
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For every missed putt: "Just taaaap it in."
Give it a little tappy. Tap, tap taperoo..
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Any time someone comments on the slope of the green: Test their reference knowledge."
No, it only seems that way because you have only one shoe on.
So you've been littering the most common Gilmore quotes in a casual fashion throughout the round, now it's time to really tell if they know their stuff.
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If someone mentions the green jacket: "Who gives a shit?"
Enjoy one of the longer clips in here from one of the best scenes in the movie.
Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?
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If it all goes south: Go to your happy place.
This advice works both for winding people up by suggesting they go to their happy place, or for you to actually go to your happy place when everyone inevitably tells you to piss off.
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