Football Manager is a fickle beast.
As we all know by now, the game is so addictive that it even warns you about your level of addictiveness with some incredibly harsh one liners such as " Turning you underwear inside out save on washing" and " Congratulations from everyone at SI. We didn't think you'd make it this far", which is seen once you've reached the point of no return.
Do you ever need an excuse to miss something? Football Manager is the game for you. Players over the years have managed to accumulate quite the managerial CV. Usually thanks to the help of these classic lies.
"One more match"
It's 2.30 am, the sign language man is on the TV and you should really be in bed.
However, your season has just hit a rough spot but you know you have the players to get you out of it. You can't go to bed on the back of a loss so you tell yourself "one more match" in the hope that you'll get the win needed to put you to sleep.
The thing is you'll never play one more match in this situation and here's why. Your team is in bad form so they're probably going to lose again, prompting you to wait for another one.
Your next match is a League cup game at home to Charlton and you couldn't care less, you need a league win and that's what your staying up for.
You won your next big match but it was only 1-0, not good enough, you need a 3-0 win with your striker scoring at least two of the goals. And so on and so forth.
"Not going to cheat"
You've taken over a modest club, with a modest budget and with dreams of taking them into the big time.
And you're going do it legitimately. You want to be known as the straight edged guy who saved the club, so no funny business.
Fast forward a month and you've blown your £13 million budget on two young Brazilians who just aren't quite settling and your plans of success have stalled.
You ask your chairman for more cash but he shows you the door. There's only one more thing left to do.
Manchester City are running away with the league come the January window so it wouldn't actually harm anyone to take them over for a week and sell them a few of your reserves for £50 million, would it?
Nobody is actually harmed, City win the league with their third manager of the season and you're fortuitous cash injection has propelled you to Europe. Everything seems rosy but there's a dark cloud hanging over you that won't go away, you've cheated and there's no going back.
"Not going to save load"
This is a lesser version of cheating but cheating nonetheless, and unlike the above sin, we've all done this at some stage and anyone who says otherwise is full of shit.
Similar to the above, you promise yourself that you're going be the straight edged manager. However, fast forward three games into the season and your new signing who's scored 4 already has just done his cruciate. A horrible slice of luck, but that's football and you have to deal with these things.
But guess what? This isn't football, it's a game and your enjoyment has just been ruined by complete chance. Yes we should play on but the right thing to do is reload and play those three games again.
"I'll bring a complete minnow to the Champions League"
Many have told themselves that they'll take the likes of Barnet or Mansfield to the dizzy heights of Champions League football. It's a nice pipe dream to have but it's a pipe dream for a reason.
These minnow clubs have a limited budget and a squad full of terrible players. The novelty wears off a few games into the season after you are left languishing in mid table literally years away from the Champions League.
At this stage you turn to yourself and mutter f**k this and begin a season with Man City, refusing to ever mention your Barnet season to another soul.
"I'm saving real money by playing this"
Football Manager is a popular game amongst students. It's convenient for playing mid lecture and is always a valid excuse for missing class.
One lie I used to tell myself in college was that I was actually saving money by playing the game. I figured that I missed out on a few nights out due to having an important Champions League quarter final or a play off final to contend with instead.
"I just want to see how the summer goes"
The summer in Football Manager is a glorious period. You're usually off the back of a tough campaign and you have a chance to strengthen your squad as well as get rid of the deadwood.
There's a series of lies you'll tell yourself during this period. The first will be that you're just going to wait until you find out what your budget is before quitting, giving yourself a good night sleep to think about your new recruits.
However, once you've got your budget you'll waste another hour spending it before telling yourself it's bedtime once again.
But you cant go to sleep without knowing how your new players are going to fit in. So you inevitably play the first three games of the new season, eventually calling it quits at 4am.
"One more match"
This is the same as the first lie but also completely different. You told yourself "one more match" an hour and a half ago but you're still going strong.
Teleshopping has been and gone and now children's TV programmes are beginning to start.
If you dare look out the window you'll probably see sunshine. But you're not concerned about that, you have a dead rubber in the FA Cup to play before a vital league game which is top of your priorities. Football Manager 2019
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