We've been sent the most incredible Junior B story in the history of Junior B. So Junior B that it's 'B'eyond 'B'elief.
This is the story of Paddy, a 23-year old from a small townland you never heard in Carlow, or Longford, or Westmeath. Paddy plays for a club named Bally Gaels but does a bit of building in Perth.
On the Friday of the Junior B final, Paddy received a whatsapp message from Boyler, the starting cornerback on Bally Gaels. 'The father's varnishing the floors upstairs and I promised him I'd help him. Can't line out in de final.' There were loads of varnishing emojis included. So Paddy had an idea - 'what if I fly home to play in the Junior B final and help the parish in its hour of need'. Paddy checked the flights home. It was five grand and forty hours on a plane but he had to do it.
Paddy arrived back in Carlow, or Longford, or Westmeath an hour before throw-in. He grabbed his gear only to realise in horror that he'd left his football boots back in Perth. The only shoes he'd brought back to Ireland with him were his construction boots. So he did what any good footballer would do, and played the Junior B final in his steel-toed boots.
He lined out at cornerback amongst all of his favourite lads from the Junior B team. There was Big Mick, the goalkeeper, who didn't have a goalie's jersey and so had to wear his shirt inside out. There was Seanie Mac and his grandfather Tony Mac (no one knew why Pat Mac, Seanie's dad and Tony's son didn't play football). There was Aidan, who had his smart phone in his sock. There was professional rugby player Sean O'Brien.
Paddy looked over at the subs bench, where all the lads were puffing on cigarettes, and thought the club had a decent chance of winning.
Unfortunately, the Junior B final was then delayed by ten minutes because the ref had drive some loose cattle from the pitch. The umpires, interestingly, were all wearing suits with wellingtons even though it was Sunday and they had no jobs.
Then the match happened. Not much of interest occurred. When full time was up, Bally Gaels were crowned Junior B champions. Aidan, the lad with the phone in his sock, picked up the trophy from the bishop and said 'what do you think about that, Joe Brolly?'.
Victory celebrations were held in the Bally pub. All kinds of craic was had until the cup disappeared after it was brought to the kebab shop.
He was back in Perth for work Monday.
Picture credit: Diarmuid Greene / SPORTSFILE
