The GAA's 150th anniversary is 20 years off yet. Here are the stories that will hit the headlines in the GAA in 2034...
1. Lar Corbett makes the Forbes 100 Rich List
The Sean Quinn of North Tipperary, the Tony O'Reilly of the GAA. Corbett has become famous for bringing Thai food to the masses, though in a profile of him in the Economist, he admitted that he has never eaten Thai food.
In 2028, alongside Richard Quirke, he will revive the famous Two Mile Borris casino plan. Two Mile Borris now rivals Las Vegas as the gaming capital of the world. North Tipp has thus become a magnet for stag parties and gangs of dodgy businessman.
He will be knighted in 2029 UK honours list for his philanthropic efforts. He will be referred to at official GAA events as Sir Laurence Corbett.
2. The Fitzgibbon Cup Final is the biggest televised sporting event in the US
The Sigerson and the Fitzgibbon will be major cult tournaments in America. College hurling will become a major force in American life. Major League Hurling will make its debut in America in 2033. USA Hurling Guy will become a phenomenon on Twitter commanding 533,000 followers.
As ex-Rebellious goal-tender Donal Cusack Junior once said "Hurling is the greatest game in the goddamned world"
— USA Hurling Guy (@hurlingguy) February 24, 2014
3. Croke Park residents relocated to the West Bank to make way for Hill 16 expansion
The GAA become continually embroiled in disputes with the Croke Park residents. Their plan to develop Hill 16 hits on the familiar snags with marches and sit-ins the order of the day. Eventually, with the help of both the government and the Israeli ambassador, they enact a plan whereby the residents are moved to West Bank in Palestine to make way for the development.
4. The Irish Times start using the 'Guardian Service' to report on GAA club matches
And occasionally, the Associated Foreign Press. In an emergency.
5. Mayo supporter lives in fear of his life
Mike McHale (22) from Belmullet, is currently living in fear of his life after scrawling 'MAYO FOR SAM '34' on the side of the Al Aqsa Holy Mosque in Jerusalem. The incident started 14 days of rioting in the Muslim world and the Ayatollah issued a fatwa against the young Mayo supporter. He is currently being guarded around the clock by two rather diffident local Gardai. A fund has been set up to support him with Salman Rushdie, Richard Dawkins and Fox News being his main supporters.
6. Also, it coincides with the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary 'House of Pain' detailing Mayo's 11 All-Ireland final losses since 1989
Read The 50 Greatest GAA Cliches
7. Multi-billion euro bailout of Kildare GAA
The world's media is gathered outside the Keadeen Hotel on a dramatic night in Newbridge as Kildare enters a bailout programme with Croke Park and the IMF. Both Dublin and Meath GAA both agreed to kick in a few million.
Years of spending millions on cryogenic baths in Iceland, sports psychology sessions with the world's leading practitioners, and team bonding trips to Hawaii and Cape Town have yielded one Leinster Final appearance.
8. Rangers play at Croke Park for the first time as part of the Dublin Decider, one of the most treasured events on the sporting calender
The afternoon is hailed as a triumph as the Irish crowd respectively and quietly listen to the Rangers fans rendition of 'We are the Billy Boys'. The Sunday Independent's columnist and Trinity College historian Peter Dudley-Foster said that nationalist Ireland needed to get over its hang-ups about 'The Sash' and 'The Famine Song' and urged people to sing along to these rousing anthems.
9. Barry Hearn, the King of the niche sport, takes over the running of the Railway Cup
Fresh from helping croquet become the biggest sport in Brazil, Hearn takes over the promotion of the flagging Railway Cup. Numerous innovations followed. Scoreboards were dismantled and replaced by models walking across the pitch holding up the score. Each score was greeted by the song 'Chase The Sun' blasting out from every tannoy. The GAA were impressed with these innovations and intend to use them in the League in 2035
10. Mickey Harte quits football management to devote himself to political activism full time
11. Sheikh Abdullah of Qatar completes his takeover of Ballymun Kickhams
His aim is to challenge the supremacy of Kilmacud Crokes and their Russian owner, Vladimir Korsikov, the oil billionaire and the inspiration behind the most recent James Bond villain.
Read 20 GAA Teammates You Hate Playing With
12. Dublin clubs involved in tense stand-off with Leinster Council over BT Sport deal
The Dublin County Board will sign a deal with BT Sport announcing that their club teams intend to break away from the AIB Club championship. The fact that the clubs had signed a lucrative deal with TG4 complicated matters. The 2035 season is in jeopardy as Dublin clubs say they will not release their players for the inter-county season in 2035.
13. Fingal beat Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown in a hard fought Leinster Final
14. The Artane Boys Band will blast out their final tune before the All-Ireland final after the controversial decision to axe them
Aging rappers The Black Eyed Peas are reforming especially to perform in next year's pre-game show. The riots which greeted the decision to get rid of the Artane boys band.
15. The hurley-making bubble of the late 2020s has collapsed spectacularly leaving approximately 55% of ex-hurlers unemployed
Economists such as Morgan Kelly and David McWillians had long warned that the Irish economy was built on people buying and selling hurleys to one another.
Read The Hurling Snob and 19 Other Irish Sports Fans
16. South Dublin will win the All-Ireland title after coming through the back-door, beating Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown in the final.
Team captain will conclude the year by announcing that he will see everyone in Krystle
17. After 20 years in mothballs, another attempt was made to resurrect the compromised rules between Ireland and Australia.
For the 2034 test, Australia were represented only by Aboriginal players and Ireland were represented only by players from An Cheathru Rua. The match served as the curtain raiser for the popular Ireland-Scotland hurling/shinty international
18. Gifted youngster Brett Waugh is signed from Carlton Blues by Laois
The 18 year old Aussie sensation gives up a promising career with Carlton to sign with Colm Parkinson's men and take up a post as a GAA Youth Development Officer.
19. The Great GPA Strike of the 2023-24 is commemorated
A statue is unveiled to Dessie Farrell on O'Connell Street alongside the one of Big Jim Larkin.
20. In a daring cross-community initiative, former RUC Chief Constable Ronnie Flanagan is elected President of the GAA at Congress in 2033
Peter Robinson and Gregory Campbell will also show up.
21. Linfield win their 14th AIB Ulster Club Championship since the declaration of a United Ireland in 2016
22. Babs Keating was re-appointed for his sixth spell in charge of Tipp...
Billy Morgan is on his fourth spell in charge of the Cork footballers, Brian McEniff has been appointed as a 'selection adviser' for the Donegal footballers...
23. Rockall reach the Connacht final
The small, disputed and until recently uninhabited islet of Rockall entered Connacht in 2030. This year, they managed their first win.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1maOiysZe-4
