'I don't care who you are or how good you think you are, you're going to have to work hard to get on this team' - said every manager ever.
Oh what a noble sentiment. They say it every year in that first speech to the players and it's delivered with such conviction that you'd almost believe them. But the reality is that this is the kind of promise that fills the substitutes with delusions while the shapers who are guaranteed a jersey just laugh it off.
And by the end of the season, the volume of resentment in the dressing room is palpable. Managers can't help themselves endearing to certain players. And the more they try to cover it up, the more the rest of the team start to realise that they're not the coach's pet.
Here are the 12 quintessential ways that managers reveal who their favourites on the team.
They Stop Training To Praise Them
There's nothing more annoying than hearing the manager praising one of their superstars for doing something basic during training. No matter what the 'chosen' players do, the manager is always mesmerised. Whether it's a routine kickpass or a two yard handpass, the manager will always exaggerate the quality of the move. And they waste no time letting the rest of us failures know about it.
The Favourites Are Never At Fault For Anything
It's clearly their fault they messed that drill up. But because the manager has them picked out as an 'finely tuned athletic machines,' they are going to manipulate the situation to protect them from blame. If they overplay the ball, it's someone else's fault for not providing an outlet. And if they kick an easy shot wide sure what about it?
Basically, the weaker players will be the ones getting shit from the manager whenever the favourites make a mistake.
'Oh they kicked the ball 10 yards over your head did they? You know how I feel about people who complain about things that are out of their control.'
Attendance At Training Is Not Necessary
It's always the same every year. Managers say they're all about the dedication and we've all heard countless renditions of the 'I want a full attendance at training this evening' speech. But what they don't tell you is that these rules only apply to the dispensable few. If one of the more 'important' players decide to skip a session or two (or four), the manager will cast a blind eye over the action. But if any of the substitutes miss a single session, well, you do so at your peril.
Exemptions From The Drinking Ban
The drinking ban has broken the soul of many a player and there's always the few who succumb to the temptation. Now ordinarily, breaching the drinking ban will almost always result in expulsion from the panel to send out a message that your cod won't be tollerated. It might seem extreme but it's the only way to keep everyone in line and no-one is spared from the penalty.
But if the manager's favourites are caught on the beer, there's a good chance they'll get away with it.
Special Privileges
'Oh you want to take two weeks off before championship? No bother at all, take all the time you need'
Granted, they need to rest up before a big match, but surely this is extracting the urine. Everyone's training the exact same amount, how the hell do they come to the conclusion that they need a two week break? Oh and don't worry, while they're off enjoying the special privileges, the manager is running the proverbials off the rest of the team.
Spared From The Running Drills
It's the most purgative part of training but the endurance stuff has to be done. It might be hard going but it's great for team morale as well as getting you fit for championship. However, not everyone has to subscribe. As soon as one of the coach's preferences pulls up out the injury card, the coach immediately immediately intervenes and tells them to sit the running out.
Miraculously, the announcement of a game at the end of training perks them up and they're ready for action again.
