Junior B, the graveyard division of the GAA.
Reserved for the senior player with one too many hip surgeries, unfit men looking for a little exercise and well... donkeys who would never get near any other team, there's not much glamour associated with "playing a bit of Junior B".
For many, be it in football or hurling, it's a more relaxed affair with priorities usually focused on the more social aspect of the sport. Yet this is one of the reasons why Junior B the most difficult grade in the GAA.
Here's why:
1. Come matchday, most of the squad are hungover
One of the biggest issues of the Junior B is the fact that most of the squad deemed it perfectly acceptable to poison themselves with porter on the eve of any match.
How are you expected to advance in the competition if the combined blood alcohol level of the squad would get them taken off the road? The difficulty of Junior B rivals inter-county level when you have to perform while carrying the equivalent of a small child of Guinness.
2. The training is nonexistent
Another issue when it comes to making a drive towards promotion is the lack of any form of regimented coaching. Not that attempts aren't made, players will simply not turn up. This has a devastating effect on team fluidity, as players run around (or stand still) not knowing how to defend or attack as a collective.
3. The referees are sub par
Often the local 'character' from a nearby parish, the ref could be as likely to start a row as anyone.
He usually has a very loose interpretation of the rules which hinders the flow of the game and increases the chances of someone being pulled across repeatedly without punishment.
He will usually have a colourful nickname like the 'Jigger Doyle' or 'Manners Farrell'.
4. The manager is as bad as the players
Because who in their right mind would want to manage a Junior B side?
The manager will usually have a good camaraderie with the squad, mainly because he will have been in the pub with them the previous night.
5. You inevitably have to source players from various walks of life
When it comes to crunch time and numbers are thin on the ground, you have to get the phone out and call in a few favours, as this video excellently illustrates.
6. It's rougher
What the Junior B player lacks in mobility and technique he more than makes up for in cynical fouls and dangerous play. You could shoot someone in the leg and get away with a stern talking to. A hatchet man's paradise.
7. No one gives a shite
A genuine problem for any club hoping to attain silverware is the complete apathy their squad has to winning. Most people of a Junior B team are just there for the craic.
8. Everyone was always injured
From dodgy cruciates to smoker's lung to cirrhosis of the liver, everyone always has some little niggle. You're often lucky to have fifteen players available, and substitutes are as rare as fabergé eggs.
9. You always come up against one team that has a clinical free taker
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In the attritional battleground that is the Junior B championship, free-kicks are a precious commodity, not to be wasted. If you don't have an assured marksman and the opposition does, the task of winning a game becomes gargantuan.
