Image: Dermot Milton
Cast:
Richard Attenborough as Liam Mulvihill, Jeff Goldblum as Glenn Ryan, Sam Neill as Paul Barden, John Goodman as Niall Sheridan.
Synopsis:
Following the announcement of Dublin GAA's sponsorship deal with AIG and the realisation that running up sand dunes in January is no longer enough to compete in the Championship, Longford GAA hatch a plan to bring in more cash.
Longford man and former Director General of the GAA, Liam Mulvihill, comes up with an ingenious idea to monetise Pearse Park during the lean winter months. Having just seen the 1993 classic, Jurassic Park, for the first time, Mulvihill decides that the stadium could be turned into a dinosaur theme park between the end of the club championship and the start of the league. The park will also benefit Longford as a whole with the county becoming known worldwide as the destination to see these ancient creatures in their natural habitat, between the 45s. The dinosaurs will also be used to fill the terraces during the early games of the Championship.
Longford GAA star and amateur paleontologist, Paul Barden, is brought in as the dinosaur expert and runs the day-to-day operations along with park manager, Glenn Ryan.
At first it goes well, with thousands descending on Longford to see the attraction. The problem of the dinosaurs refusing to show themselves is quickly solved by drawing them out of hiding through the sacrifice of several Junior B footballers.
It all begins to go disastrously wrong when Glenn Ryan realises a flaw in the plan, the county board have refused to pony up the cash required to upgrade the fences surrounding the pitch, despite Ryan lobbying hard for their construction. This leads to him uttering the infamous words, 'nature will find a way... to break through those waist high fences'. The dinosaurs break loose and ravage Longford town, and in particular Luigi's fast food restaurant, drawn there by their innate desire for garlic cheese chips in the early hours of the morning.
Barden enlists the help of several Longford inter-county footballers past and present in an attempt to save the town from disaster. This rag-tag group includes Niall Sheridan, who manages to arm-wrestle several Velociraptors to their deaths before eventually succumbing while making one last stand outside Luigi's. The players realise the creatures can be stopped by lobbing O'Neill's size five footballs in their mouths, choking them to death. The consumption of copious amounts of garlic cheese chips was also a major contributor in slowing them down.
Having beaten the dinosaurs, Barden is declared a hero and is already a shoe-in for an All-Star. Glenn Ryan is sacked by the county board for lack of foresight in upgrading the fences.
Score: Motorhead/Declan Nerney
Cinematography: Liam O'Neill
Directed by: Paraic Duffy
A Balls Media Production
