Famous Irish rugby player farmer Sean O'Brien was profiled on the Irish farming show Ear To The Ground last night. I couldn't watch it live, and in order to capture this outstanding moment in Irish televisual history, I watched it back on the RTE player, took some inspiration from Bill Simmons's retro diaries and tried to provide a detailed log of the issues discussed on the show. There were a few revelations about O'Brien's life and in all the show added to his myth.
Intro to .45 – Wow, three presenters for a 24 minute farming show. Ella McSweeney would probably do on her own, lads.
.45 to 1.05 – Clips of O'Brien bashing two Australians and scoring a try against Russia. No mention of his dancefloor exploits in Wellington.
1.06 – 1.10 – Helen Carroll reveals O'Brien at heart. I'd always guessed he was a gangsta at heart.
1.11 – When Sean O'Brien herds cattle, his nipples sweat.
1.12 – 1.40ish – O'Brien likes farming because he likes because of the “freedom” and he likes being “out and about”. And also because “it's there” and “still there now”. Inspiring message to wannabe farmers.
1.43 – O'Brien discusses his sporting pedigree in Carlow. He played with the football team until minor. A feat I assume everyone in Carlow claims.
1.46 – 2.15 – Vintage '90s VHS footage of a pipsqueak O'Brien in a mushroom haircut playing rugby in what seems to be a replica Spurs uniform. O'Brien runs a bizarre circle around everyone and seems to be the only person on his team. Later he makes a lightning-quick run through the defense, as kids in a variety of shorts, including one wearing ¾ length trousers, pursue him. Underage rugby in Carlow must have been some jungle.
2.15 – We meet parents Sean Senior and Kaye around a table in their garden to discuss the rugby prowess of their then-young son. Sean Senior is wearing a gold chain and has some chest hair on display. He looks a bit like Pat Spillane if Pat Spillane had never won an All-Ireland. Senior discloses has always had a talent for ''running through lads''
3.00 – O'Brien reveals that he purchased a massive tractor with his first Leinster contract. Sensible dude. If his knees went, he'd always have farming. About the Dublin lads who laughed at his purchase: “They're into the cars up there more so than they're tractors.”
3.10 – O'Brien mounts his tractor and you can briefly see his underwear line. Boxers, not briefs.
3.15 – Carroll wonders what the other Irish players think of his farming hobby. O'Brien mentions his banter with fellow farmer John Hayes. How he must have missed the Bull in New Zealand. What do you talk to Tony Buckley about?
3.20 –4.00 Footage of O'Brien's first Ireland cap against France this year and his meaningless 82nd minute try that features more proof of O'Brien's skill at running through lads.
4.05 We're travel to Tullow Rugby Club. A bunch of scrawny kids play keep away from a taller ginger kid. Anyone expecting to Tullow churn out a few more O'Briens over the next 20 years might be in for a rude awakening.
4.25 Mike Ross runs slowly across the screen, ball in hand
4.26 Sorry that wasn't Mike Ross. It was just a chubby kid from Tullow.
4.40 O'Brien takes some kids through some tackling drills. I thought this was a farming programme?
5.05 O'Brien pumps iron, discusses the secrets of 'farmer strength'
5.25 Kaye discusses O'Brien's power at birthing calves. 'You'd be amazed at what he'd be able to pull out.” O'Brien looks mortified.
6.15 Sean Snr sounds reasonably confident that O'Brien will come back to the farm after rugby, and will not, like virtually every retired Ireland player, start a media company.
6.30 Sean Snr claims that O'Brien is a better farmer than a rugby player. O''Brien smiles, but is thinking deep down, 'I'll go toe-to-toe with you any day in ploughing, calf birthing, hammering, turning turf. Just name, it old man''
A Balls.ie Retro Diary Of Sean O'Brien's Appearance On 'Ear To The Ground'
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