The Munster hurling championship - which is to say the All-Ireland hurling championship - kicks off properly this Sunday in Thurles when Cork face Tipp. With that in mind, we present 15 things you will most certainly hear hurling people speak before the first Sunday in September.
By Christ, I’d rather be watching the hurling anyway
Most likely to be uttered as a comparative between some dull Euro 2016 group game and a blood and thunder Munster Championship game. Keep an eye out for hilarious Facebook memes comparing a hurler looking like he’s just back from the Somme circa 1916 and Cristiano Ronaldo in tears because he may have twanged a hamstring.
There’s too much tactics in the game now
This is the banner that signals the traditionalist’s war with the new fancy Dan era of tactics. Most likely to be heard during a Waterford game followed by a plea to just play man on man. Sure Cody doesn’t bother with tactics.
They’ve no plan B
Again, levelled at Waterford once their fabled system comes unstuck. The plan B is a strange notion in hurling. Mostly it involves an urge to drop it into the square and hope the ensuing melee produces something. Cork’s plan A of furious hand pass tiki-taka came unstuck in 2006 and they’re still waiting for a plan B and as a consequence a plan A.
They’re training like lunatics.
This will be spoken in hushed tones but with a wink and elbow of delight by the individual at the bar with one foot on the stool. He’ll have the inside track to how the lads are going in training. They’re flying, they’ve never trained like this. They had a challenge match last week and it was a bloodbath. They’re going to empty the tank. They’ll fly out of the traps. The resulting limp performance will be dismissed as the result of over training.
Munster final day in Thurles is basically Mecca.
The reverential tones that accompany a Munster final day in Thurles make the patrons at Augusta blush. It’s a spiritual experience, not a hurling match. Ger Loughnane in particular is a Munster final day in Thurles fundamentalist and subscribes to the notion that there is no truer feeling of Irishness than the Town End on a balmy day in June. Ye can keep ye’re hill.
It’s time to end the provincial set-up.
This is exclusively wheeled out in provinces that don’t feature Thurles.
Joe was quiet today
Levelled at one J.Canning after he manages to hit 1-5 from play despite being asked to shuffle from midfield to full forward much to the chagrin from those who are urging him to stay at the edge of the f***** square.
Will Cody ever stop?
Spoken in a whisper as Lord Brian from House Cody sacks another helpless ground. They’ll wonder how does he keep going, how does he discover all these players, how does he rip up teams and start anew but mostly they’ll wonder when is he going to f*** off and play golf for a while.
The extra games will do them good.
Most likely the preserve of optimistic Cork fans, teams in the qualifiers are very much glass half full people. They’re almost smug, thinking more miles on the hard ground will ready them for Croker in August.
Where they will be routed by Kilkenny playing their second serious game of the championship.
The championship has yet to catch fire.
This was not heard during the ridiculous 2013 campaign, but mostly it’ll be heard around the middle of June when we’ve not seen some farcical 3-21 1-27 shootout that resulted in three stewards having their right hands in permanent flag waving positions after.
Wristy Hurlers
Again almost exclusive to Cork bar Bubbles O'Dwyer. Cork have fine wristy hurlers. Look at Pa Horgan there, wrists like a primary school eraser. Coined by Cyril Farrell, the wristy hurler has an ominous undertone to it. Cyril is basically telling us, the lad can play but he’s a little flaky.
The final we all wanted.
This is exclusive to 2016. Because we all want to see Clare v Kilkenny. We all want to see Davy Fitz launch everything he’s got at the empire. We want to see this young Clare team blossom and attack the Death Star. If it comes to pass, there’s no possible way the game will equal the amount of goodwill generated by it just bloody happening.
Davy is building an empire
Sure Tony Kelly is barely out of minors. Shane O’Donnell is still a pup. Davy Fitz is building an empire to last. Nothing can get in their way. Nothing. They’ll rule every September like tyrants.
Kilkenny’s time is coming to an end.
All it’ll take is one less than convincing performance. Miles on the clock. Wear and tear. The inevitable sating of hunger. The old pillars will start to creak and some will believe it’s all coming to an end.
Sure, they were always going to win it.
The resigned, pitiful face saving statement once Cody is doing that daft dance of his in September again.
How does he keep going?
