Surely we all played that one year where the team got one hammering after another... surely. Tell me we did.
1. The manager threatens to walk out at least four times a year
2. Lads don't bother to cancel holidays that clash with the first round of the championship
The first round of the championship at underage level tends to be scheduled, very insensitively, in early August. Therefore a proportion of your players are in Trobolgan/Westport/France.
3. You don't even bother to punch the door and stamp your feet as you run onto the pitch for a game
A time honoured tradition - the Braveheart. Shit teams just go through the motions.
4. You spend the duration of the warm-up nervously eyeing up the opposing team and hoping you're on the one small lad
It all becomes clear as you're walking over to your starting post.
5. Your subs don't give a fuck
They may ask you the result at the end of the game. They live in dread of the manager telling them to warm up. This is, of course, only applies if you're fortunate enough to have subs.
6. When you see one of your teammates getting cleaned, your primary emotion is satisfaction that it isn't you
You can duck out of blame.
7. You come to regard the final whistle as the sweetest sound in sport
Thank God we can go home now.
8. The most hated player in the team is the best player who never comes to training
The reason he doesn't come to training is because he's decided that you are shite. The manager tries to raise morale at training by insisting he 'will not start the next day'. He does not keep this promise.
9. The opposing team's backline spend the second half lying on the ground
Primarily for very young teams, we're talking U10s here. Only the most earnest nine year olds stationed at right half back will be standing upright when your team is hammering someone.
10. Laughter
There was generally too much laughter around the place. The self-consciously shit team is no place for a driven, uber competitive Kieran McGeeney type.
Laughter when drills are fucked up in training, laughter when the manager doles out a bollocking, laughter in the dressing room before a game, laughter on the subs bench while you're losing, laughter in the dressing room immediately after you've lost.
