When you think 'footballer cameos' the mind immediately wanders to the ghastly Goal films, or Michael Owen's breakthrough performance in the shit-show that was Hero To Zero. But who can forget the better moments - the magnificent footballer cameos - from John Harley to Gianfranco Zola - on Nickelodeon's Renford Rejects?
Not us, anyway. We'll never forget Roberto Di Matteo collecting his 'best midfielder' gong at the Renford Sports Personality Awards.
But, since the 1980s, numerous other shows have produced more obscure but equally enthralling cameos by football players, and we felt it rude not to pay them their dues. Beginning with one of our own...
1) Robbie Keane, Mrs. Brown's Boys
Two years after his heroics in Japan, the Ireland striker made his silver screen debut on Brendan O'Carroll's Mrs Brown's Boys. Keane joined Ken Doherty as a mormon with a particularly dodgy American accent. If only he knew...
You can checkout Robbie's cameo two minutes into the following:
2) David Beckham, Only Fools And Horses (Comic Relief special)
An unbelievably impressive performance by Beckham in an oft-forgotten but classic Only Fools sketch. The sheer majesty of the ending. Just look at his face as he topples.
3) Graeme Souness, The Boys From The Blackstuff
BBC own all rights to footage of Souness perfecting the nonchalant head turn and then repeating it a thousand times over, but his appearance in the gritty '80s drama - which received critical acclaim, it' worth pointing out - was a very real thing.
Souness also went on to star in Dale's Wedding, as Dale's mate, Graeme Souness.
4) Simon Walton, Come Dine With Me - Footballer's Wives Edition
Then at Crewe Alexandra, Walton was forced to stand in for his sick girlfriend on a WAGs edition of Come Dine With Me. Starring alongside Walton, then 23, was Jessica Lawlor - Stephen Ireland's partner, Chantelle Tago - who was engaged to Emile Heskey, and Jude Cissé - wife of Djibril.
The episode and general concept was described as "a heinous crime against television" by several critics.
5) Toto Schillaci, That Smithwicks Ad
Sure, it's not a tv show so to speak, but there's no way we were leaving it out.
It speaks volumes to the influence of my father that I wasn't born in 1990 and yet inexplicably detested the star of this iconic Irish tv ad, which rose to prominence during the 2002 World Cup. In retrospect, Schillaci actually seems like a thoroughly decent bloke, but I'm yet to drink a Smithwicks.
6) Dean Sturridge, Dream Team
Allow us to quote Harchester United's official profile of Dean Sturridge in order to adequately describe his time at the Sky One club:
Dean Sturridge was a Harchester United schoolboy before being released as a youth team apprentice – he would go on to make his return to the club in March 1998, costing £5million.
After being released by the Dragons, he joined Derby County where he worked his way through the ranks and made his debut in January 1992.
Sturridge enjoyed a good run of goalscoring form at the Baseball Ground, and was a vital part in the Rams winning promotion to the Premier League in 1996.
His goals continued to come as a Premier League player, including scoring 11 in his first season. This won the admiration of new Harchester United manager Ian Coates who would travel to Pride Park on Transfer Deadline Day to complete a £5million transfer.
Sturridge had to wait to make his debut due to injury, but would come good when he played his part. He scored 5 goals in 7 matches to help keep Harchester United in the Premier League.
In the summer of 1998, new chairman Jerry Block forced Coates to sell Sturridge as he didn’t feature in Block’s plans for the club moving forward, despite his excellent record. He was then sold for £2million to Derby County – a £3million loss on what United had paid just months earlier.
Sturridge spent another 2 years at Derby before joining another East Midlands side, Leicester City, in 2001.
He would later on play for Wolverhampton Wanderers, Queens Park Rangers and had a loan spell at Sheffield United before retiring after a spell at Kidderminster Harriers.
Today, Sturridge is often a pundit on Sky Sports “Football First” on Saturday evenings.
Incredible!
(See also: all of Mikey Traynor's Dream Team nostalgia.)
7) Cesc Fabregas, The Cesc Fabregas Show
What in the shit is this, I hear you ask. Well, we don't have all the answers for you. All we can say is that Cesc Fabregas starred in his own one-off, hour-long drama for Nike back in 2008, and it was broadcast on Sky.
He's a better actor than you'd imagine, is the Spaniard, while still obviously being quite appalling.
8) Joey Barton, Question Time
"You've got no MPs!" was the original "You've got no fans!" The response to Barton's contribution to political debate on Question Time was generally less harsh than one might expect but, to be fair, for the most part it was just people tweeting: "What the hell am I watching?"
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