Let's cut to the chase and sift through some bullshit.
Here's what we know from today's transfer activity: Alexandre Pato, whose Hail Mary loan move to Chelsea last season wasted literally everybody's team including his own, has departed Corinthians. The 26-year-old former wonderkid has been shipped off to Villareal, who paid Corinthians for just 60% of his ownership rights (Pato owns the other 40% himself, the cheeky pup).
Elsewhere, 22-year-old Aussie Brad Smith has joined Bournemouth from Liverpool for £6m (not to be confused with former Liverpool goalkeeper Brad Jones, also Australian, who is now technically employed by Feyenoord but is yet to make a single appearance for the Rotterdam club).
Another Liverpudlian nightmare, namely Mario Balotelli (who is currently training with the reserves) could well be off to Turkey. Ah yeah, that should go well. Besiktas president Fikret Orman made the following wonderful claim to Turkish magazine Fanatik:
Mario Balotelli is the type of footballer that our fans can associate themselves with.
I’m pretty sure he would attract great attention.
To be fair, if he wasn’t deemed as a trouble-maker, he wouldn’t be rumoured to be joining us. But we can show some effort and create solutions for Balotelli’s infamous troubles.
I think he can change with the attention and care he’ll receive in Turkey.
In short, we want Mario Balotelli and he wants us too.
That's cute, Fikret.
Inter president Erick Thohir has said his club's 23-year-old skipper Mauro Icardi - linked to Arsenal earlier this summer, and now to a Gonzalo Higuaín-less Napoli - is going nowhere:
We’re not going to sell Icardi. We’ve received offers – from Napoli too – but we’re not going to sell him. We extended his contract a year ago. We’re like a family and we can always talk if there are problems or discuss what we’d like to achieve together in future. He’s our captain and an important player for us. We’re very happy with him.
Zinedine Zidane is understood to be willing to allow prodigiously talented forward Jesé leave the Bernabeu on a permanent basis, despite his preference being a loan deal for the 23-year-old - this according to Marca.
For seemingly no reason under the sun, this means he will be joining Arsenal this summer. In fact it's the bloody Sun who are reporting as much, but they also suggest Liverpool would be interested in accruing his services.
Arsenal and Liverpool ready to sign Jese Rodriguez as he 'asks to leave Madrid' https://t.co/nLLtcsE139 pic.twitter.com/oMo5HYzKkC
— The Sun Football ⚽ (@TheSunFootball) July 26, 2016
In fairness to the Sun, it's hardly a secret that Arsenal are keen to land a striker, and The Telegraph reckon a move for Toulouse ace Wissam Ben Yedder (look at me using the word 'ace' in a transfer roundup - you'd swear this was Football365), who has scored 17, 15 and 23 goals respectively in his last three seasons. Canal+, however, suggest Spurs are keen to bolster their ranks up front and will compete with their North London rivals for the 25-year-old future Marouane Chamakh.
To any Arsenal fans reading, don't hold your breath - chief executive Ivan Gazidis told the New York Times earlier today:
We’re still active in the market, as are most other clubs, and if we find opportunities that our manager believes can improve our squad and add something to it, we’re certainly going to take those steps. But in terms of this week, I don’t think there will be any radical surprises.
One final note on The Gunners: Wojciech Szczęsny will rejoin Roma on loan this season with an option for a permanent deal worth €16m.
In terms of Euros stand-outs potentially moving to the Premier League, Alan Smith of The Guardian reports William Carvalho has turned the heads of both Everton and Chelsea, with a price tag of roughly £30m (the new £10m, as suggested by Smith) rumoured to suit Sporting.
Second last transfer yarn for now, and Smith also reports that PSG and France midfielder Blaise Matuidi is available for a similar sum should Manchester United lose out in their now incredibly laborious pursuit of Paul Pogba. And jokes aside, it looks like they actually might.
Finally, former Ireland underage international and Liverpool defender Daniel Cleary, still just 20, has joined Birmingham City where he will start out in their 'development squad'. Earlier this summer Cleary was inexplicably included in UEFA.com's Ireland squad as an option in their fantasy Euros competition.
