The transfer window will slam shut this week, with a host of unhappy players, stuck in captivity, looking to dart through it before the end of things on Friday. Step forward Wes Hoolahan.
Well, here are some of the biggest transfer stories from the blizzard of nonsensical titbits and phantom stories that get tossed around the internet on these stressful days.
Michael Essien has had enough of the Premiership
Chelsea's tigerish Ghanian midfielder Michael Essien, originally signed by Jose Mourinho back in the summer of 2005 has left for AC Milan. Essien seems particularly delighted to be joining Clarence Seedorf's side. And he left Chelsea with hard feelings if this tweet is anything to go by.
Haters will broadcast your failure but whisper your success.Medicals done,looking forward to start my new life with AC MIlan.#jahbless????
— michael essien (@MichaelEssien) January 26, 2014
We're not sure if "jahbless" is a phonetic description of the way Londoners refer to the condition that the unemployed are afflicted with but we shall investigate further. Either way, the following tweet evinced a sunnier sentiment.
Just signed my contract to join one of the best clubs in the world.Im very happy and looking forward to winning with the team#ForzaMilan
— michael essien (@MichaelEssien) January 27, 2014
The Premiership can't get enough of David Ngog
Anyone who saw David Ngog rattle home 9 goals in four years for Liverpool might have thought he might not be around the pinnacle of English football for the long haul, but he's back. Swansea boss Michael Laudrup has bought the French striker from Bolton Athletic. He wasn't terribly prolific for Bolton either, managing 14 goals in 81 games over three years.
No one wants Berbatov
Rene Muelensteen is extremely confident Berbatov will be staying at Fulham, primarily because no one wants him.
We're not (looking for a striker) at the moment.
We've got Darren Bent, Hugo Rodallega and Berbatov. I expect Berbatov to stay because there has been no interest so far.
Ole Gunnar Solksjaer makes a raid on the transfer market
Cardiff City look to have got two signings under their belt today as Ole Gunnar Solksjaer dips his toes in the market, and has pulled it out with the gasping figures of Kenwynne Jones and Fabio Da Silvo (better known as 'Fabio, the one who isn't Rafael') hanging onto his toenails for dear life.
Suddenly Manchester United are linked with everyone
Manchester United have been all brightness and light the last few days. Beaming beside Juan Mata and that helicopter it was like David Moyes had cast off the burden off following himself, recognised that he is the manager of Manchester United and finally put his own stamp on the team. There have followed various extravagant rumours of "five more Matas" being signed and Wayne Rooney contract negotiations appearing to be on track.
In the last couple of days, they have been linked with Mario Mandzukic, Porto's Fernando, Toni Kroos, and Marco Reus. Could it be? A club that appeared to be staring at a long decline finding its sense of purpose again. Both united and Chelsea are battling it out for Luke Shaw's signature
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPwz5wABOlU
Arsene Wenger has no news
Arsene Wenger has no transfer news today.
Quickfire miscellaneous round-up:
- Tomas Ince is having a better time at football than his Dad is at managing football teams and he could be going to Liverpool
- The man who gave today's piece it's name, Peter Odemwingie, may be off to Stoke (perhaps as part of a swap deal with Kenwynne Jones as mentioned above.)
