If you're partial to recording Match of the Day on Saturday night and watching it later, how often do you not fast-forward through post-match interviews?
They've become one of football's most pointless excercises; 45 seconds of tight-lipped, vacuous statements from athletes understandably terrified of seeing their names in a headline the following morning (sorry, Theo). One slip up, or one bad word about a referee or oppostion, and you've gone viral on football Twitter and probably earned yourself a stern bollocking from your manager. It's a wonder these players don't run a mile when Geoff Shreeves or Jonathan Pearce emerge from the shadows of a stadium.
It seems we continue the charade on a ritualistic basis, and on the off-chance that something interesting might be said; Ander Herrera, as a rare example, has a lot to answer for in that regard. But the honest-to-God Man United midfielder's crusade to Make Post-Match Interviews Great Again suffered a hammer blow on Match of the Day 2 last night.
Speaking at the end of a week in which he became a father for the first time, Theo Walcott - who gleefully celebrated his goal in Arsenal's 3-1 win over Bournemouth with Bebeto's famous 'cradle' celebration - was asked about the birth of his child.
Seemingly terrified that he'd fuck up perhaps the easiest question he'll ever be asked after a football match, Walcott responded:
It's been a long process, we've had the baby now, so hopefully we can move on as a family.
Incredible.
How thrilled baby Walcott will be in the coming years to discover they amounted to little more than a new signing from the Royal London Hospital.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Walcott will name the baby, 'I'm Just Pleased I Could Help The Team, The Most Important Thing Is That We Picked Up The Three Points'. All we know for sure is that nine months ago, Arsenal's 27-year-old winger put it in the corridor of uncertainty. He asked the question. And this week, he reaped the rewards.
In fairness to Walcott, his celebration alone depicted a man thrilled by a monumental week in his life. But if post-match interviews are sucking the joy even from becoming a first-time parent, it does beg the question why we bother with them at all.
I believe Theo Walcott just referred to the birth of his child a "long process."
— Nick Miller (@NickMiller79) November 27, 2016
Theo Walcott wants his family to perform to the level they showed today. #motd2 #footiequotes
— Graham Reid (@gcreid) November 27, 2016
"It's been a long process but hopefully we can move on now as a family," says Walcott on the signing of new baby. #MOTD2
— Larry Ryan (@RyanLarry) November 27, 2016
