Jimmy Bullard has to be one of the most entertaining figures in sport, the painter decorator turned professional footballer has just released a new book - Bend It Like Bullard is packed full of great quotes and anecdotes and pranks from his years in lower league, premier-league and international football.
Here are some of our favourite offerings from the cult hero's first book, which may yet prove as entertaining as Andrea Pirlo's - even if a little more robust.
The Jimmy Bullard Book On His Bust up With Nicky Barmby:
Picture the scene. A beautiful spring Monday morning. The Humber Bridge glistened in the sunlight. Birdsong filled the air, blossom falling from trees and a feeling of hope among all those lucky enough to be outdoors on that glorious day.
Around a hundred members of the local Women’s Institute were enjoying the day as they’d planned a march across the bridge. As they strolled along, they took in those beautiful sights and sounds. The sun’s rays bouncing off the river. The larks whistling to one another.
And myself and Nick Barmby rolling around on the grass, yelling and throwing punches at each other. That was probably the most ridiculous situation I’ve ever been in as a footballer, and I say that having had my head shut in a door by Paul Jewell. If you’re ever going to have a fight with someone, I would highly recommend not doing it in front of a hundred pensioners.
Bullard On Outing His Brother By Accident
There was one time when one of my pranks backfired spectacularly. I’d discovered one of those numbers you could ring where an automated voice answers and waits for you to respond, which triggers it to talk again. Look, mate, I’ve not been shagging your wife,’ he said. ‘Don’t come the innocent with me. I know what you’ve been up to,’ said the voice. ‘It wasn’t me, I swear to you,’ said my brother. ‘I’ve seen you at it,’ said the voice. I was cracking up again until my brother said: ‘Look mate, it wasn’t me because I’m gay! G-A-Y, gay!’ Bloody hell. My brother had come out to an automatic prank answer phone and I heard it all.
And On His Pranks
We were staying in the same plush hotel as Real Madrid, who Becks was playing for, and we were playing them in a friendly.
For the entire six days I put everything - a round of golf, some golfing gloves, buggies for a few of the players, I even treated myself to a new Vokey wedge and lots of drinks - on our gaffer Chris Coleman’s room. I’d clocked his room number when we checked in. Room 206. I hadn’t been there long but I thought: ‘This will be a classic.’
Later, we were all in the bar and so were a few of the Madrid lads, including Becks and Raul. ‘Right lads, what are you all drinking?’ I said as I proceeded to order one of the most enormous rounds of drinks in history.
See also: Jimmy Bullard's Greatest YouTube Hits
[The Daily Mail]
