We can all agree that the world needed a film in which the hero is Sepp Blatter, but apparently the world doesn't want to watch it.
The film is the greatest work of art since Leonid Brezhnev's memoirs on which Brezhnev himself conferred the Lenin Prize in 1979.
Unfortunately, sniffy US film critics have described the film as unwatchable and audiences appear to have taken them at their word.
One particularly vociferous critic described 'United Passions' as 'cinematic excrement'. It currently holds a rating of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
The film did receive one favourable review, being described as 'open, self-critical and highly enjoyable' by no less a person than the FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke.
It is possible that the scarcity of positive commentary may lead to this praise being plastered on the DVD, if they get that far with this thing.
The director Frederik Auburtin has summarised his motivation for agreeing to make the film thus: the money, basically.
I accept the job. I know Fifa is producing the film. As we say in France, don’t be more royalist than the king: don’t be the king if you are not the king.
Defending himself, Mr. Auburtin did claim he implanted some 'ironic' bits into the film under the noses of his paymasters which undermined the official narrative somehow, though the critics haven't dwelt on this.
The film, which cost £19 million to produce has made a grand total of $607 at the US box office in the opening two days. That is €542.
This falls well short of what one can earn in a month on the dole in Ireland. Which is disappointing.
