There have been some awful and gruesome injuries on the football pitch. There have been footballs in the groin that gets a mixture of laughs; and prompts males to groan from imagining the pain. But Steven Gerrard has been endowed with the worst injury we've ever heard of.
He cut his penis.
Gerrard describes the injury in his new autobiography, and says that it happened in "an unromantic afternoon in Bournemouth". The magic of the FA Cup eh?
It was eye-watering. I tried to close down a winger to block his cross but felt a stinging in my privates. I thought, 'S*** — that doesn't feel right!' It was stinging like f***.
The gash looked pretty bad, right across the middle. There was plenty of blood. I needed four stitches and the lads were absolutely p*ssing themselves.
It's unclear whether the 'p*ssing' joke was intentional, or if it was a reference to some of the things that Gerrard would have had trouble with. But how bad was the actual injury? Well, according to Gerrard he had ranging thoughts go through his mind, like whether he'd be able to play the following week, or worse:
Ouch. I hoped I wasn't saying goodbye to an old friend. I got a jab first and was careful not to look at what he was doing.
After I had been bandaged up as protection against any possible infection, I asked the obvious question. 'Can I play against Everton on Tuesday?'
You'd have to admire his priorites. First though: 'Am I going to lose my penis?' Second: 'Can I play next week?'
