So the Emerald Isle Classic and that means of hordes of American journalists have arrived in Dublin entrusted with the task of explaining the odd ways of the natives to their less-travelled readership back home. We're into public service here at Balls.ie so we'd like to provide a checklist of things aimed at American journalists that every story about Ireland must have in order to count as a story about Ireland.
1. Open piece with description of rain, mentioning either the excess or absence of precipitation.
2. Complement the intense greenness of the landscape.
3. Feature man on the street interview with gray-haired man in his 50s or 60s, preferably with a humourous nickname like Fozzy or Mossy, who can provide timeless insight into the state of the nation.
4. Politely reference about the native alcoholism and namecheck the popular brands of beer and whiskey.
5. Show your interest in local matters by mentioning native sporting interests; compare the confusingly-scored, furiously-played amateur games to the college sports of your own country.
6. Quickly mention the shambolic state of the nation's finances and the creeping sense of misery on the margins of Ireland's towns before painting into an image of how more universal attributes like good humour will see the country through all turmoil.
Note to photographers- Describe a stray dog on an empty beer keg, and if you can't find one, find a stray a dog and place him atop a beer keg, ideally next to an old man in a ruddy suit playing a tin whistle.
