Paul Merson has all but cornered the market of incessantly speaking almost unintelligible nonsense while remaining a fairly popular pundit, and he took his unique talent to the Paul Merson of Youtube channels, Arsenal Fan TV, following an after-dinner speech last in London night.
The former Arsenal star's passion for the Gunners can't be questioned, and he stood next to Robbie of AFTV fame for an eight-minute rant about the state of the club, its manager, and its players. It did, at times, descend to 'Merse code', but it remained hugely entertaining throughout.
Merson began by dissecting last weekend's North London Derby:
The one game I do miss when the fixture list comes out is Arsenal v Tottenham. The way we were brought up, that was the big game. When I was on holiday in the summer, I'd ring my dad up when the fixtures come out and go, 'When's the Tottenham game?'
When I watched that [Spurs v Arsenal] the other night...Them players don't really get it, if I'm being honest. They don't get it, I'm sorry. I don't know if Arsene [Wenger] gets it, if I'm being honest.
I worked for Sky at the semi-final when he completely and utterly mugged it off, and they got well rinsed in the semi-final second leg. That was the day that told me they don't really understand it.
We had presumed that the aforementioned semi-final was instead a reference to this season's EFL Cup quarter-final, when Arsene Wenger made 10 changes to the Arsenal side that beat Bournemouth and the Gunners lost 2-0 at home to eventual finalists Southampton. Of course, quarter-finals don't have second legs, and Paddy O'Brien has since contacted us on Twitter to suggest Merson is referring to a League Cup semi-final second leg from 2008, when Tottenham hammered Arsenal 5-1 after a 1-1 draw at the Emirates.
I think this *might* be the semi final he was on about? Nearly 10 years ago mind https://t.co/N828EK3msf
— Paddy O'Brien 🤌 (@Paddy__Paddy) May 5, 2017
Merson then suggested that victory at the final ever North London derby at White Hart Lane would have erased many of the woes from Arsenal's familiarly pitiful season.
He also asked why Wenger had spent £30m to bring in Granit Xhaka from Borussia Mönchengladbach, when Spurs have generally looked towards the UK to recruit talent. It sparked shades of Merson's infamous, 'Why's it always have to be a foreign manager?' rant following Hull's hiring of one Europe's most talented managers in Marco Silva, who has since gone on to achieve a near-miracle in the Premier League.
[Sunday] could have wiped the whole season off; if Arsenal could have gone to Tottenham, beat Tottenham in their own yard, stopped them winning the league...Everyone would have gone, 'What's happened this season - we'll forget it'. I was disgusted, if I'm being honest.
The thing with it is, when I watched Leicester last year, you'd look at [N'Golo] Kanté and think, 'Where'd they get him from?' But when you watch Tottenham, the players they've bought - they've all been here [in England]. Like Arturwelday [Toby Alderweireld], Wanyama, Dele Alli, Trippier, Simon Davies [Ben Davies], Vertonghen...Why aren't we going for these players? Why are we paying 30 million pound for Xhaka when he wouldn't get in [the Spurs team]? I'd make a case for Sanchez to get in the Tottenham team, but after that I can't make a case for anybody.
Considering Simon Davies hasn't played for Spurs since 2005, we're going to take the liberty of assuming Merson meant Welsh defender Ben Davies. It might also be pointed out that Jan Vertonghen was signed from some foreign club named Ajax.
Robbie then asked Merson to repeat a point he'd made during his after-dinner speech, which regarded Arsenal's current squad relative to the club's reported riches. Merson's subsequent rant will no doubt have been appreciated by Gooners the world wide web over.
When we was at Highbury, right? It used to hold 38,000 people. Arsenal had Bergkamp, Vieira, Petit, Henry, Pires, Ljungberg, Overmars, Vieira, Sol Campbell, Lauren, Ashley Cole. These are world, world class footballers. They go now to the Emirates. All right, they had to pay the stadium for a bit, but the stadium is paid, they got a lot of money now. They get 60,000 people, so that's an extra 22,000 people - at least 80 pound every other week. We have one world class footballer. Why have we only got one world class footballer? Where's all the money? Where's the money going?
At the same time, though...Lauren...Really?
You can watch Paul Merson's full appearance below, courtesy of Arsenal Fan TV.
