Congratulations, everybody. We now exist in a universe with three xXx films. Rumour had it that Conor McGregor was due to have a role in the latest installment of the franchise: xXx Return of Xander Cage, only to channel the spirit of his many of his opponents and pull out of his commitment, citing a desire to regain focus after the surprise defeat to Nate Diaz.
The role of 'megabucks international sports star' has been played by Barcelona and Brazil footballer Neymar.
We will not stoop low enough to claim that Neymar's on-field theatrics may have caught the eye of film directors worldwide (okay, we have kind of already done that), but he has been deemed good enough to star alongside Samuel L Jackson, known for making questionable life decisions including The Exorcist III, Star Wars Episode 1, and supporting Liverpool.
LIVERPOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) December 19, 2016
Neymar sits in silence as Jackson goes on a Tarantino-style monologue in a restaurant, before intervening to save Jackson's life in a hideously contrived piece of action. You can watch that below.
De Niro/Pacino it ain't:
Using McGregor in that situation would have been much more straightforward: it comes across as hastily rewritten in the absence of somebody who can actually fight someone.
The film's precusors include the Search Engine disaster that was xXx along with xXx: State Of The Union (which, despite the promise of the title, failed to deliver an adequate appraisal of the socio-economic and political situation of America).
