Just over three weeks to go until the news season starts. Time to get in the zone...
1. Play copious amounts of Football Manager
It will get us right back into the swing of things, and these few weeks are the last time we'll be able to play FM 2013 before it becomes outdated.
2. Take up yoga
Let's face it. At one stage or another this season we're all going to be come upset.
A late goal, a bad defeat or a stupid sending off has the potential to send even the calmest man over the edge. With that in mind, now is the time to start into a relaxing past time such as yoga so that when shit hits the fan mid-season, we'll have something to lower our blood pressure.
3. Practice your 'I don't believe that just happened face
As Mick McCarthy demonstrates:'
4. Reacquaint yourself with Eva Carneiro
Our favourite Chelsea physio of all time.
5. Don't go near Fantasy Football until at least 12 August
You might think it's a bright idea to start working on your Fantasy Football team early but it's not.
You'll never be entirely happy with your team, and should you set up one now then the next three weeks will be filled with worry and doubt, until eventually you convince yourself the night before the season starts that you should transfer out Michu and bring in Anderson.
6. Hang portraits all around your home of your favourite players
Maybe not this one though.
7. Practice your AVBs
As opposed to your ABCs.
8. Buy your girlfriend the entire boxset of Gossip Girl, True Blood, and Sex in the City
Be strategic about how you're going to also prepare your other half for the coming season. If they don't like football then there's no point in arguing its importance. Distraction is a much more subtle plan.
And of course get all the trips to the zoo and IKEA or whatever out of the way in the coming weeks.
9. Try to be as relaxed and as happy as Marcel Desailly
Learn to love football, not suffer it; and you, your chickens and your goats will be much happier:
10. Practice your Saturday and Sunday routine
Time to get back in on the routine of getting up early and running all your errands before midday on weekends. You may think you've a great life at the minute but when the season starts you can kiss goodbye to mid-afternoon haircuts and spending half of Sunday doing your week's shopping!
11. Prepare yourself for inevitable football arguments but the right manner
Practice not letting emotion or personal grudges get in the way. For your own mental well-being, let the coming season's debate be mild-mannered and just about what happens on the field.
12. Brush up on your hipster ways
Starting listening to all the right podcasts, and of course if you're a true football hipster then you're actually preparing yourself for the return of Ligue 1.
Here are the first five of our 25 steps to becoming a football hipster.
13. Get ready for the return of the Soccer Saturday lads
Ah they're tremenjous fun.
14. Say your prayers
There'll be times throughout the season when only divine intervention can save us.
