Good news if you are a teenager simultaneously trying to break into the Manchester United squad while dealing with the dramatic biological changes wrought by puberty: Louis Van Gaal has asked his players to be horny in tomorrow night's Europa League tie with FC Midtjylland.
Watch below:
https://youtu.be/WwyI_guQ50o
We will give you a moment to allow the full horror of "I often use the word 'horny' with my players" reverberate around the recess of both your mind and soul. Poor Juan Mata.
While Van Gaal thankfully stopped short of calling on United to show more penetration, it is certainly an evocative description to reach for. Whether it belongs along with the "inch by inch" speech in Any Given Sunday and is deserving of a Sigur Ros background is up to you.
In what is perhaps a boost to Van Gaal's hope, United will be without the service of several senior players, including David de Gea, Marouane Fellaini and Wayne Rooney.
But in what may be an encouraging sign for those keen to avoid distinctions between lust and true romance, Donald Love is likely to play for United.
So if FC Midtjylland take to field tomorrow against a side with braces and bad skin cloaked in Lynx Africa and untucked check shirts, we know why.
