Another day of transfer rumours, another day of edge-of-the-seat excitement. Who will move where? What will happen next? Now that Paul Pogba has finally moved to Manchester United, how will we possibly satisfy our undying desire-nay, need-for constant speculation, bile-inducing levels of 'Sky Sources' and knowledge of just how many hours, minutes and crucial seconds are left until the Transfer Deadline?
Never fear. For while there is a transfer window open, the fresh breeze of potential new moves still wafts into our pizza-box strewn living room; a living room in which we sit passively, spending our time cleaning our Subbuteo sets and glaring, unblinkingly, at the TV screen in the hope that, at any given moment, the football season will flicker into life. And rid us of the need to read (or write) 'Transfer Rumour Roundup' pieces.
First up for us today is the speculation that shampoo model and part-time goalkeeper Joe Hart is about to take his well-washed barnet with him on the way out of the Etihad Stadium. The Mirror reports that Barcelona's number two, Ter Stegen, is in Pep Guardiola's cross-hairs as a replacement.
It was rumoured before Pogba signed the dotted line at Old Trafford that Juventus would seek PSG's Blaise Matuidi as a replacement for the Frenchman, but instead they might pop for Chelsea's Nemanja Matic, the ever-reliable 'Daily Mail' claims. Stay tuned for developments in this tantalising tale.
'Defensive frailties', 'Weak spine', and various other alleged prognoses of Arsenal, would perhaps cease somewhat were they to acquire Shkodran Mustafi from Valencia. 'The Guardian' presents a tale of confusion and bemusement as a man who is, apparently, not the player's official agent claims to represent Mustafi. If it is just some lad putting on an act to try and land himself a few bob, you have to admire his gall. He should apply for a job in Kenyan athletics.
After getting rid of the remarkably unremarkable Victor Anichebe and the mercurial Stephane Sessegnon, West Bromwich Albion could use new owner Guochuan Lai's money to rival Crystal Palace in their attempts to 'prise' (or, rather, 'catch') Christian Benteke from Liverpool, ESPN is claiming. £32.5 million is what Liverpool paid for the Belgian, and it seems they want to recoup most of that from the Baggies, whose current record signing is Salomon Rondon at £12 million. Worth every penny. At least, in today's sterling.
The Telegraph carries the story that Daley Blind could be off to Inter Milan on the promptings of Inter manager Frank de Boer. Not to be confused with former Chelsea star and now Hollywood actor Frank Leboeuf, who is rumoured to be in the running to play Peter Canavan in a movie about the hairless wizard's life. In equally exhilarating news, Juan Mata might be heading to Everton, Goal.com claim, to re-join his old Valencia gaffer Ronald Koeman. Koeman, though. Does it even Mata any more?
We'll finish off with a couple of quickies, so that you can get on with your day.
The aforementioned 'Sky Sources' on Sky Sports News say that Nottingham Forest goalkeeper Dorus de Vries is in Glasgow having a medical with Celtic ahead of a possible transfer. Manchester United are unlikely to land Juventus' Leonardo Bonucci, the 'Manchester Evening News' reports-alongside the story that Paddy McNair could be going to Sunderland for £5 million (rising to £7 million).
