Welcome to football in the modern age, where we as might as well replace footballers with robots comprised entirely of the limbs of fans' idealistic transfer signings, a desire to take each game as it comes, and jokes about Tottenham.
We're not quite at the dawn of boring, footballing AIs yet (your time will come soon, Agent Milner), but we are living in the age where ESPN lay off a hundred journalists on the same day the people running football club's social media accounts prove the worthiness of their jobs by correcting spelling mistakes and replying with images of Alan Partridge, while the media shovel this hilarity down our throats because That's What The Kids Like These Days.
In the growing power struggle for relevance, Sky Sports News decided that they had to tell us all of the great b****r had by the respective twitter accounts of Manchester City and Manchester United.
During Pep Guardiola's desultory press conference ahead of tomorrow's Manchester Derby, the inanity fell freely from his mouth, and was dutifully live-tweeted by City. As Guardiola went through the contractual motions, he mentioned that Jesse Lingard is a good player, only for the City account to spell his name incorrectly, adding an extra 'a', presumably the legacy of Anders Lindegaard.
United were not going to take this egregious slight lying down, and they wrote back in an act of great passive aggression, correcting the incorrect spelling of Lingard's name. City replied with a jaded picture of a jaded Steve Coogan to inject the jaded enterprise with even less energy.
The eternally vigilant Sky Sources sniffed a trail, and then, Jim White was forced to talk about it on air, opening without a hint of self-awareness that "We have evidence..."
What follows is a surreal minute of cringe, lament, dislocation, futility, and propaganda for cricket. Here follows Sky Sports Do Twitter B****r, a play by Samuel Beckett.
Fucking hell.
Photographic proof that this is an infinite hellscape:
To be fair to Jim White, at least he looked like he hated it.
