Jamie Vardy interrupted his preparation for Euro 2016 to get married, and noted chronicler of sport Hello! Magazine were there to capture his wedding day. We cannot afford to reproduce the photos, unfortunately, but we can guarantee you that Rebekah looked stunning in a "bespoke Caroline Castigliano gown" while Vardy and his son were "smart and stylish in blue three-piece suits from bespoke tailor Clements & Church".
What we can tell you, however, are six things added to the human consciousness as a result Hello!'s intrepid reporting at Jamie Vardy's wedding.
The Wedding Party was a superb ensemble of obscure footballers
Best man was David Nugent - remember him? - who is (kind of) famous for having what is perhaps the greatest international goals-to-game ratio in England's history: he marked his only international appearance with a goal. Also in attendance was Gary Taylor-Fletcher, who played in the Premier League with Blackpool. Hello! were vague on his exact role, describing him as having merely "a major role in the day's proceedings" which feels like the kind of euphemism a disappointed manager would use after an underwhelming Taylor-Fletcher performance.
Hello! dropped a major transfer bombshell
Arsenal have reportedly triggered Vardy's release clause, but Vardy issued whatever the opposite of a 'come-and-get-me-plea' to Hello!: "Jamie, who has vowed to remain with The Foxes for the 2016/17 season".
Although they also gave the tabloids fodder to fuel the Arsenal rumors
The piece reveals that Vardy's nickname is Cannon, as it was hewn into his suit jacket. The nickname is a reference to Vardy's explosive pace, although eagle-eyed observers will realise that a cannon is the primary feature of Arsenal's crest. This may be used somewhere as proof that Vardy is the perfect fit for Arsenal.
One of the non-Irish lads from One Direction might play Jamie Vardy in the Jamie Vardy movie
Louis Tomlinson - a member of popular musical group One Direction - is a football fan, and has previously lined out for Doncaster Rovers. He flew in for Vardy's wedding, and Hello! believe that Tomlinson might end up playing in the Vardy movie:
Perhaops the clearest indicator that the One Direction singer will star in the movie came as Adrian [Butchart, the movie's producer] and Louis arrived at the wedding in the same Mercedes people carrier and enjoyed dinner at the same table next to the bride and groom.
The happy couple indulged in some irony
Having exchanged rings, Vardy and his wife sat and listened to bridesmaid Danielle read a Bob Marley poem entitled He's Not Perfect.
In unrelated news, Jamie Vardy was filmed racially abusing an Asian man in a casino last year.
The music was a mesh of Sligo and Grime
As Jamie Vardy quite literally had a party, the music was provided by former Westlife member Shane Filan and English rapper Tinchy Stryder, who is described as being Vardy's "favourite act".
If you are a fan of this important strand of reporting, here are eight things we know about Jamie Vardy's house.
