Dear Sir/Madam
I wish to apply for the vacant Irish manager's position as advertised in The Irish Times, the Irish Independent, RTE, The Star, The Irish Sun, Sky Sports News, Alive Magazine, Ireland's Own and the Internet.
I do not at present hold any UEFA A or B coaching licences but as Eamon Dunphy and John Giles once said something to the effect that all coaches should be run out of the country (in their renowned "You need poverty and dictatorships to produce good footballers" rant) I do not see this as an inhibiting factor. I am happy to work with a venerable, elderly football manager/ minder if the red tape merchants in UEFA have any quibbles about my appointment.
I was picked for the Longford Schoolboys League Kennedy Cup team in 1999 but we had a family holiday in Killarney that week and couldn't go.
I have conducted a brief 10 minute interview with Darron Gibson and struck an immediate rapport with him, which was unfortunately not evident in the soundcloud clips of said interview.
Due to a set of circumstances too complex to go into here, I ended up playing for the ESRI in their annual football match against the Central Bank, despite not being an employee of the organisation. We secured a creditable 2-3 loss against the much bigger Central Bank pick.
At the tender age of eight I masterminded a series of stunning successes over another (solitary) eight year old, bamboozling him with a number of formations and tactical switches with which he was unable to cope.
I am willing to soldier on despite less than perfect facilities/ gear as I demonstrated recently when I took on Frank Stapleton, Dion Dublin and other Manchester United legends while wearing highly unaccommodating brown shoes. When things go awry within the FAI on the facilities front, I will try and ensure that my toys remain firmly wedged inside my pram.
I am good at taking the initiative as well.
My hobbies include reading and watching films.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Yours sincerely
Conor Neville
Balls.ie
76 Thomas Street
Dublin 8
