Whilst some sardonic observers believe football's transfer window is merely over-hyped human resources, us fans know better. The window is arguably one of the greatest fountains of knowledge in the world.
The transfer window has its own, unique discourse and has consequently given us all a rich and varied vocabulary. It is certain that the man who reads the back pages is more familiar with the word 'derisory' than any heralded man of letters.
In that spirit, we have decided to compile a dictionary of the words used more often in reference to the transfer window than in any other context.
If you feel we have missed out on any, please let us know.
Nouns
Saga
Used to describe any transfer deal between clubs wherein negotiations last longer than two weeks and/or the subject of the negotiations has expressed a desire to leave. Used by media outlets to express disenchantment with a transfer story gaining attention despite a lack of developments as a way of introducing a transfer story despite a lack of developments.
Fax Machine
A critical piece of equipment in which to trade pieces of paper requiring immediate signature. Despite contemporary obsolescence, comes to the forefront of national consciousness twice a year during the dwindling hours of transfer deadline day.
Wrangle
Used to desribe the drawing out of negotiations between two parties. Can only either be "lengthy" or "protracted".
Suitors
Used to describe a number of clubs interested in signing a player. Can only be used in plural form, and may only be "potential". An otherwise archaic term, fallen into disuse since the novels of Jane Austen were published.
Talks
A versatile word describing the stage at which transfer negotiations are at. "Advanced" talks indicate a transfer is almost complete; "formal" talks signal that negotiations have recently begun; "crunch" talks describe negotiations between a player and his present employer as he expresses a desire to leave; "clear-the-air" talks take place in the aftermath of a failed transfer in the attempt to improve relations with the player with a view to selling him in the next window.
Personal Terms
Agreed between a player and prospective new employers following the acceptance of an offer by player's current clubs. Relates to salary, and not the personal relationship between player and employer.
War Chest
The receptacle in which transfer funds are kept. Can only be handed to the manager by the chairman. Some believe it to be hyperbole, and argue smaller clubs should wield a "battle box" or simply the "kerfuffle coffers".
Come-and-Get-Me Plea
A heavily hyphenated phrase used to describe the process by which a player signals his intention to be transferred to a specific club. This is often manifest in a player playing poorly against opponents he would prefer to play for; a player conveying poor body language; a player saying that the his girlfriend is from the area of the club in question; or that the player has supported that club as a boy, and that a desire to join said club would be "normal".
Spanish Radio
The medium by which the above plea is best transmitted. Allows the excuse of mistranslation when news filters back to angry supporters of the player's present clubs.
The Catalan Giants
An alternative way for football writers to refer to FC Barcelona, a club often at the centre of come-and-get-me pleas issued on Spanish radio.
Marca
A newspaper used by Real Madrid CF to disseminate interest in a particular player.
Prodigy
Used to describe a young winger who is linked with the biggest football clubs in the worlds. Must be "teenage", can only "attract interest" and must be linked with Barcelona, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and two Premier League clubs.
Verbs
Triggered
Describes the meeting of a release clause in a player's contract. Unfortunately has never been used in relation to a transfer offer for former Liverpool and Ireland footballer Jason McAteer. Usually precipitates the opening of Personal Terms.
Bolster
To increase in number. Used by a club to justify the signing of a player. Can only be used in relation to a club's "ranks".
Emerge
The process by which a second club declare their interest in a player. Can only be "rivals" for the signature of a particular player.
Slammed
The process by which the transfer window closes. Has recently been greeted with the tolling of Big Ben. The window can never be merely closed, it steadfastly refuses to go gently into the night.
Monitoring
The process by which a club reveal tentative interest in a player. Often used in the context of a player who is non-commital over the signing of a new contract eighteen months before the current deal's expiration.
Swoop
Used to describe the opening of negotiations of a transfer by a club not previously seen as favourite for a player's signature. Often "audacious".
Launched
The process by which a club open transfer negotiations. Often connected with a "late bid".
Attracting
How a a Prodigy or Wonderkid gains "interest" from a number of clubs as a result of a series of good performances.
Weighing Up
The occasion when a football club decides whether or not to submit a transfer bid for a player. Rarely used with any noun other than "bid" or "offer".
Agitate
The acts of a player intending to leave his present club. Usually takes the form of the leaking of discontent to the public, avoiding the need to forefit money by submitting a transfer request.
Hails
The method used by a manager to praise a player who has returned to play for a club he had tried to leave in the transfer window three weeks previously. Can never be used in relation to objective talents like pace or skill, but only in relation to nebulous concepts like "professionalism".
Tabled
The proferring of a transfer fee by one club to another. Used despite fact that offers are communicated digitally or by fax.
Adjectives
Audacious
A surprising move by a football club to sign a player previously not associated with that club. Examples include the signing of a player who had once played with a club's rival (See Campbell, Sol) and the signing of a player who had hitherto played with more famous clubs (See Krkic, Bojan).
Staggering
Used to express surprise at the size of a transfer fee and/or the wages being demanded by the player at the subject of the transfer. Increasingly redundant.
Derisory
A transfer offer for a player deemed to insultingly very low by the subject's current club. Usually relates to the opening offer. Exclusively used in a football context.
Red Alert
A gauge of a club's interest in a player who has issued a come-and-get-me plea. Notable increase in use when the buying club play in red. Clubs may only be "placed on" red alert.
Flattered
Used by players in repsonse to a question regarding a transfer to a specific club. Used to admit interest in leaving current club without incurring wrath of current supporters.
Which words have we missed? Let us know.
