Today is the second anniversary of Steven Gerrard completing the most ironic/cruel/hilarious (delete where appropriate) narrative of any career by emotionally encouraging his teammates to ensure the Premier League title 'did not slip', only a fortnight later to see himself slip and ultimately let a maiden Premier League title agonisingly fall through his grasp.
It is a moment that will haunt Gerrard for the rest of his life, and the lacerating scar on the consciousness of Liverpool supporters will take some time to heal. Many Liverpool fans - this one included - have found the easiest way to navigate the extreme pain and regret has been to imagine it never happened.
But what if never actually happened? Read on:
A Year To Remember
On 27 April 2014, Steven Gerrard did not slip after receiving a pass from Sakho. Demba Ba did not score. Neither did Willian. No. Instead, Liverpool got to halftime with the match scoreless. At halftime, captain Steven Gerrard gave a heroic speech, reminding teammates that he had vowed one week previous that Liverpool would not let this slip. Fittingly, Gerrard scored a headed goal from a corner in the 89th minute and Liverpool held out for a 1-0 victory. A ropey enough draw at Selhurst Park followed but Liverpool beat Newcastle on the last day of the season to become league champions.
Liverpool's league win was hailed by all as a triumph for the beautiful game. In the ecstasy that followed, Liverpool believed they were on the verge of building a team that could compete regularly at the highest level of European football. Liverpool remembered their 2014 Premier League success as only they can: enshrine it upon a gate. The gate at the entrance to the newly-extended Main Stand carries in iron lettering: 'This Does Not Slip', as an ode to Steven Gerrard's stoic address to teammates against Man City. Gerrard's solid ending to the season led to a general feeling of good will in English football and a steep decline in the 'mocking meme' industry. Before the World Cup in Brazil, The Sport Bible was sadly forced to close.
Things, sadly, did not go to plan for Liverpool for their title defense. Buoyed by the league title win, Brendan Rodgers' ego inflated to unprecedented levels. Harvard Business School cut their ties to Alex Ferguson and signed Rodgers up to teaching a part-time management module by hologram. FSG also granted him the power to take on a number of consultancy projects on the side. Rodgers decided to make an impact on the world of politics, which he saw as too cynical and lacking in idealistic spirit. He turned his attention to his native Northern Ireland to mixed results. He said the Good Friday Agreement was lacking in superlatives, claiming that it was a "great agreement, magnificent even", and criticised John Hume and David Trimble for "maybe being a wee bit pessimistic". Not everyone was impressed.
Parts of this alternate reality are not very different. Luis Suarez was still signed by Barcelona after the World Cup. Daniel Sturridge remained perpetually injured. Brendan Rodgers still bought Lazar Markovic. Only in the alternate reality where Gerrard didn't slip and Liverpool won the league in 2014, FSG did not feel empowered to sack Brendan Rodgers in late 2015. He had built up too much good will from the league win, even if he was only in Liverpool for weekends and Champions League games, consumed as he was with getting his self-help 'BrendanTalks' website off the ground.
Meanwhile, in the summer of 2016, Jurgen Klopp took over for a weary Arsene Wenger and lead Arsenal to a period of dominance at home in and in Europe.
In this alternate reality, a gimpy 45-year-old Steven Gerrard is still playing midfield and captaining Liverpool. After being sacked in the 2019-2020 season and replaced with Jamie Carragher, Brendan Rodgers decided to become a Televangelist. Rodgers hosted his own satellite TV show entitled 'We Showed Great Spirit", inviting viewers to pledge money to him in return for advice on how to become a better Christian. Here is his typical attire:
Brendan Rodgers, ladies and gentlemen. pic.twitter.com/WeisdAeuu4
— Kieran Cunningham (@KCsixtyseven) March 27, 2016
Rodgers faced continued criticism from reviewers that he was not a true Christian, and that he was merely full of empty rhetoric. In his defense, Rodgers cited the transformative effect he had on "Wee" Joe Allen:
What of the other stars of that Liverpool team, you ask?
A cloud of shisha smoke carried Raheem Sterling into orbit during Liverpool's open-top bus tour in May 2014 and he has not been spotted since. Phil Coutinho wisely followed Suarez to Barcelona. Mamadou Sakho grew extremely fat, while Jose Enrique - encouraged by his prolific Instagramming of the title celebrations - quit football to start his own photography agency.
Jordan Henderson - despite having the new Main Stand gate named after him in a subtle dig at Alex Ferguson - picked up a number of injuries owing to an unconventional running style, and failed to advance a promising career. Simon Mignolet, having grown tired of the abuse hurled at him by Liverpool fans the following season, quit to become the accountant he was always destined to become.
Aly Cissokho joined an Aston Villa team that was relegated, which was understandable as he was quite shit.
Some argue that Liverpool might have been better off in the long-term had they not won that league title. Regardless of this theory, it was not to be, as nothing could have stopped Liverpool from winning that title. It just didn't slip.
See Also: Meet Dortmund's 17-Year-Old American Wonderkid Who Has Taken The Bundesliga By Storm
See Also: 'I Play For Celtic' - Irish Winger On The Incident That Made Him The Talk Of Scotland
