'Porca Puttana'. That's all one can say to the news that Giovanni Trapattoni would be happy to take over Italy for Euro 2016.
Whilst doing co-commentary on the alarming Italy-Germany friendly this week, Trapattoni roared those very words - they roughly translate as 'fucking hell' by the way - after another misplaced pass.
Antonio Conte has already announced he won't be remaining in place beyond this summer's championship. Results have dipped since then and Conte has had to defend his decision to announce his exit ahead of time.
Many Italians believe Conte should move forward his departure date. To a date before the Euros. Marcello Lippi (it would be his third spell!) and Fabio Cannavaro have both offered themselves as candidates.
Trapattoni was asked would he fling his hat in the ring. He wouldn't be offering himself as a canidate but he'd be happy if he got the call. That would mean meeting up with us in Lille in the final group game in June.
I saw Lippi and Cannavaro offered themselves, so I’ll leave them to it.
If we have to offer ourselves now just to get a post… If (FIGC President Carlo) Tavecchio called me I’d be pleased because I think it would be a great experience.
Without being conceited I feel sharp and ready. But I’m not going to go and offer myself.
Trap may have forgotten his first time in charge of Italy in the first half of the noughties.
During his time in Ireland, his supporters argued that he only employed negative because of the limitations of the players at his disposal.
This argument rather overlooks his time in charge of his native country - where it could hardly be said that he was lumbered with a team of humble workhorses and flair-free cloggers - and they played some of the most self-defeatingly negative football imaginable.
Fortunately for Trap, they had excuses on both occasions. They had about nine disallowed goals in 2002.
In 2004, Antonio Cassano's late winner against the appalling Bulgarians not only saved their blushes but allowed them to wallow in victimhood over their early exit.
They were able to hide behind the flimsy complaint that the Swedes and Danes had stitched them up by manufacturing a 2-2 draw in their game. Due to an anomaly in the goal-difference rules that applied that year, a 2-2 draw in the Scandinavian showdown would eliminate Italy regardless of what they did in their game.
Maybe these summer tournaments don't suit Trap's style. As Ken Early once blasphemously argued, perhaps he thrives more when put in charge of the biggest team in the country with the best team and the most money?
