Charlie Flanagan and the Department of Foreign Affairs have decided it necessary to release some official tips for Ireland fans heading to Euro 2016 this summer. Given the current security situation on the continent, some of those tips are very important and if you are making the trip we'd fully encourage you to take heed. Having said that however, we'd be remiss to leave it at that.
The Department of Foreign Affairs aren't going to say it of course but aside from the likes of travel insurance and remembering your passport, recent experience has thought us that there's quite a few other tips to keep in mind when you land on French soil in June.
Nibbling on body parts will be recorded for the world to see
Not some much a tip as a cautionary tale. The inaugural Balls.ie Man of the Year, Eamon Keegan, will forever come to define the debauched, carefree summer of 2012. The population of Poznan hid their livestock as Ireland took over a significant portion of Poland for a couple of weeks of absolute mayhem.
Unfortunately for quite a few people, Poznan 2012 didn't follow the tried and tested rule of 'what happens in Vegas...' Instead, images of the temporary Sodom and Gomorrah arrived back home in no time and one unfortunate Kidare student was inundated with calls to explain how he felt about being caught on camera nibbling on the breast of a lucky Croatian fan.
All's well that ends well and Eamon is still held in stellar regard thanks to how he dealt with all the attention but nonetheless, we'd like to use the story of Keegan as an example of why it may be better to exercise some caution in France this summer.
Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing
If you're going to France, John Delaney is going to try and buy you a pint at some stage or another. You're best just accepting that from the off but remember this, just because the nice man buys you a drink, that doesn't mean you owe him anything.
Bring multiple shoes
Your shoes will be off at some stage. That's a fact. You may as well be prepared. Flip flops don't really cut it either by the way. If it's easy to take off then you're not really putting in enough effort for the boys in green. Shoes off mean shoes off but if you still want a bit of protection between you and the streets of Paris/Bordeaux/Lille then feel free to keep a pair of flip flops in your bag or tucked into your trousers to be used when your shoes are above your head and you're singing at the top of your lungs.
The Germans are always ripe for piss taking
The recession may not be the talk of the town anymore but this time around we took four points off them thanks to dramatic late goals so there's still plenty of scope for having a few cheap digs at the Germans. If you're in need of a flag slogan, it may be worth basking in the bitterness of Jogi Loew's 'the 100th long ball was just one too many'.
If we're shit, enjoy yourself all the same
Listen, it's distinctly possible that our somewhat questionable defence will once again come back to bite us on the arse when it gets to the big time and even though not everyone will agree with this tip, we're going to need to take a leaf out of the 2012 book.
Don't get us wrong, if we get resoundingly spanked in the group stages, there'll be no consoling us but if fans in France want to enjoy themselves all the same, we'll absolutely defend their right to do that. No one wants to be the clowns of Europe, and there's a very fine line that can be crossed in that regard, but if you save up to follow John O'Shea and co. throughout France, poor results shouldn't be enough to derail your holiday.
In that case, probably best to avoid Roy Keane
"I'm sick of this "win, lose, we're on the booze" mentality. It has to change."
That was Roy Keane's take on the Irish fans during Euro 2012. Now that he's on board with the team, we can only assume he'll be even more scathing in his criticism of any post defeat celebrations. As above, we respect anyone's right to enjoy themselves on holiday (within the confines of moral decency) but we would suggest steering clear of Roy if things don't go well.
That Euro 88 jersey may not fit you anymore
Yes it's glorious but two decades worth of ageing is rarely good for your girth so we'd suggest that, before you head to the airport, try it on in the mirror. If you look like Mick McCarthy in his prime then all well good but if you're stretching that glorious emerald material past its breaking point then it may be time to accept that what was once a medium is now an XL at the very least. Opt for a roomy new jersey and make new memories in that one that you can look back on in two decades time.
