There are so many football cliches. Whether it's pundits, commentators, players or managers during press conferences, you'd swear there was just a small list of stock phrases out there which they're all forced to choose from, like when you're playing Football Manager.
If you had 40c for every time you heard "it's a game of two halves" or "he's lost the dressing room" while you were watching football, you'd be able to buy a LOT of Freddo bars.
Well, for anyone who's played Junior League, Schoolboy League or even 5-a-side in Ireland, you'll know the overused phrases aren't just saved for the professional game. So whether you are or have been a player in the Irish amateur game, you'll know all about these phrases.
1. "Relax now lads we all have to go to work on Monday!"
You know the story. It's a tense game, there's probably some fella on the other team that you've hated since secondary school. You can't risk giving him a dig, you missed that window once you turned eighteen, so the next best thing is hitting him just after the ball.
Tempers flare and now everybody is throwing tackles left, right and centre. But there's always the voice of reason to remind you where you are. It's a game of ball in a field on a Saturday or Sunday morning and he's right, everyone has work on Monday and your employer won't care how much of a hero you were, just that your leg is broke and you can't come to work for 6 weeks.
2. "From The Start Now Lads!"
If someone doesn't shout "From The Start Now Lads!" as ye all do various different things to stay warm are you even allowed to kick off?
Make sure to offer your support to this statement by following up with clapping your hands at the closest player to you and shouting "come on now lads!"
Team spirit.
3. "Who Has Tape?"
We all know this man. If you don't, you are this man.
He'll turn up every single week and he will ask everyone for tape but he will never just go buy his own tape. Some of us even had to learn the hard way as a lad that you really must use electrical tape and not cellotape. Not me though, obviously.
4. "How Is He!?
For some reason the referee hands a linesman's flag to a member of each side's entourage, usually both managers asking "Will you do the line for me lads?"
A meaningless gesture really as both sides only have the power to give throw ins (which they'll just give any 50/50 to their own team and probably then be just overruled by the referee anyway) and all offsides are somehow left to the referee who's always going to be behind the play. It must be impossible.
Not that I'm feeling sorry for any referees. That's why we have the phrase "How is he!?" that everyone shouts in unison, so that we can influence the referee like a Sunday League Alex Ferguson.
Sunday League linesman. 🍺⚽️😂 pic.twitter.com/2b4sGzgXYt
— Sunday League Footy (@SundayChants) December 12, 2017
5. "It's Great To See Young Fellas Gettin' Involved."
A schoolboy league favourite.
Whether it's the awkwardness of the moment or it's just they've nothing else to talk about, but, for some reason when two schoolboy managers meet for the first time before a game they always feel the need to say this.
I mean, it IS great to see young fellas getting involved... in anything...particularly in this day and age with the competition from the internet or FIFA or just staying inside, but in our day, we literally had no choice but to "get involved".
6. "It's Great To See Young Fellas Playin' Ball."
As we all know, the stock answer to "It's Great To See Young Fellas Gettin' Involved" will forever and always be "Ah yeah, it's great to see young fellas playin' ball." Without this clichéd schoolboy football manager exchange, all they'd have to talk about at half 9 on a Saturday morning would be the weather.
7. "Man On!"
Depending on where you are in the country, this can also be substituted with "House!" Either will do.
Shouting "Man On" when there is actually a man on is arguably the most Pavlovian response in football. When I was thirteen, I once shouted "Man on" at my sister when she was about to bump into my mother with a cup of tea. It worked though, not a drop was spilled.
8. "Where Was The Shout?"
Every time some fella DIYs and loses the ball, you'll hear this gem trotted out in an attempt to pass the buck. In fairness sometimes he won't get a shout, but that chances of that happening when you have eleven lads on a field, a few subs and the manager are slim and none. If you got it taken off of you, it was probably your own fault.
9. "Don't Let It Bounce."
The cardinal sin of defending. You never let it bounce. If only we had someone to keep stats on junior league games like they do the professionals, I would love to see the percentage of goals that are scored from a bad bounce. Checking Liverpool's stats would probably be the closest barometer we have.
10. "Don't Worry Everyone Will Get a Run, Lads."
A pity run? Really? I mean, it's a nice gesture but sometimes the announcement of this before the game, knowing it's just for your benefit and to make you feel better about training on a Tuesday and Thursday on those cold, wet October evenings really just makes you feel worse.
