1. Bring in Rafa Benitez
This is probably the most realistic solution. Rafa may not have been the most popular man towards the end of his tenure with Liverpool, but in hindsight many Scouse fans have realised he did a pretty good job during his time in charge. If Chelsea were to hire him he could get the best out of Torres again, and there's the added bonus of his excellent record in the Champions League.
2. Start courting Imogen Thomas
She seemed to do the Giggabite's form the world of good.
3. Go to Moron Mountain and get the Nerdlucks to give him his talent back
Many people have come to believe that the Nerdlucks from Space Jam have taken Torres' talent, and plan use it to beat Bugs Bunny and Co. There's only one solution to this, grab Wayne Knight and go down that golf hole!
4. Get David Luiz to say 2 decades of the Rosary and a Novena for him
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]Luiz' blessings have been know to work in the past for Torres. Maybe a cheeky fiver to St. Athony as well might to help find his finishing touch.
5. Organise a challenge match against the Kilkenny Football team.
Conceded 1-30 against Limerick last night, and 9-23 against Fermanagh last week. If Torres can't score against them, then he'll never score.
