Not just good at scoring goals against England, our Fantasy Football agony uncle Don Hutchinson brings us an advice column with great tips every week, where he answers all sorts of queries.
Remember you send your Fantasy Football queries and questions about life in general to [email protected].
Reeling in the Manchesters
Dear Don,
'Allo allo. I was hoping you can help me out. Sunday is going to be a huge day for me; perhaps the biggest day of the year. I have to be in work early in the morning, and I'm going to be on the television and everything. However...
Recently I developed a terrible addiction to watching RTÉ's Reeling in the Years. I can't stop, it's just such a great show. I don't leave the house any more. I don't eat, I don't sleep. I spend my days engrossed in episode after episode, and only stop watching on occasion so I can go download all the soundtracks. I need to overcome this or else I fear I won't be able to tear myself away from it on Sunday.
I'm also wondering if I should drop my United and City players in Fantasy Football this weekend?
Yours with my divided attention,
Joe.
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Hi Joe,
Pleased to hear to from you. That sounds like quite a pickle indeed. I would try to wean myself off it if I was you. Maybe watch some of the latest episodes so at least it will bring you back into the 21st Century. Then hopefully you'll be able to get by while at work if you just get Des Cahill to update every now and again with what happened in, let's say 1986 for instance.
In terms of Fantasy Football I wouldn't worry too much about the United and City players unless they're defenders. I'm expecting both teams to score so if you have attackers don't shy away from giving them a starting spot.
Hope this helps,
The Don.
Washing Machine pains
Dear Don,
Recently I saw you advised a man who was looking for some good washing detergent. Well I'm in a spot of laundry trouble myself at the minute. My washing machine shows such great intensity that it's shrinking my clothes.
I'm not entirely sure what's causing it but every time I take my suits out they're boiling hot and the colour is fading. By the time they've dried they wouldn't fit Peter Beardsley. Can you help?
With regard to Fantasy Football, should I bring in that young Aaron Ramsey fella?
Thanking you,
Pat.
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Yo Pat,
You're well I hope? Couple of things here; firstly I wouldn't advise washing your suits in the washing machine in the first place. You should have them dry cleaned. Secondly, it sounds to me like the thermostat is gone in your machine. You should contact a plumber at your nearest convenience.
Aaron Ramsey has certainly gotten our attention dear friend. I think Ozil will be a better signing in the long run but Ramsey offers great value at the minute. Jump on him while he's hot is what I say.
Keep in touch,
The Don.
A rash midfielder
Hello there Don,
I've been eagerly anticipating this weekend's All Ireland final but I have developed a serious problem. I've somehow developed an allergic reaction to Michael Lyster's voice. Over the last few days something has sparked this probelm where I come out in an unbecoming rash every time he speaks.
This is such horrendous timing. I can't believe it's happening to me but sure when your lucks out, your bullocks don't fatten.
On top of this disaster I also haven't a clue who to buy in Fantasy Football this week. Was considering a midfielder?
Talk to you later,
Colm.
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Oh dear Colm,
This is a very grave issue. I wonder is there a specific word or something that triggers it? Try to isolate the exact cause and Michael can then avoid the word. Failing that, have you considering coating yourself in Sudocrem? It usually cures all ailments.
As midfielders go, I've had a troubled couple of weeks. I was strongly considering Ben Afra a few weeks ago but didn't invest. Then he goes an rubs it in my face by scoring in both game since. On top of that, I sold Sigurdsson last week which went a bit pear-shaped to say the least.
I'm going to stick to my guns though, and keep faith in the man I bought to replace him – his Spurs teammate Christian Erikson.
Nice hearing from you,
The Don.
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