I know the international break is over and all anyone wants to do is get back to the normality of club football, but after hearing English pundits and fans moan about how crap qualifiers are, I realised that it's time to find out why they don't feel the same excitement I do about a friendly against Iceland on a Tuesday night.
If you were an England fan, you would think that the qualification process is a pisstake. A series of tune-up matches were it doesn't really matter if you play Theo Walcott, or Raheem Sterling, or David bloody Nugent, you'll get the job done with ease and head to the tournament thinking you're the dog's bollocks.
We mock them for this, building themselves up by beating Slovenia, Azerbaijan, or Lithuania home and away, then going into a tournament and being surprised when the opposition isn't shite, but the reality is... It's totally understandable.
It's because for England, the qualifiers are just a series of underwhelming friendlies where it takes a special amount of incompetence to fail. Shout out to Steve McClaren.
The last time England had any sort of competition at all was in 2001, when they had to travel to Munich and play Germany side that would eventually go on to play in the World Cup Final against Brazil. And they won 5-1.
That was an outstanding England performance, and it hasn't been replicated since. That is essentially because England have had a piss easy group draw for the eight qualification tournaments that have taken place since then. There have been one or two 'tricky' teams, but never a game on the scale of Brazil vs Argentina, or even USA vs Mexico in CONCACAF.
Let's have a look, shall we?
Euro 2004:
This Turkish side was the toughest faced in all of the qualifiers listed here, but the English squad was strong enough to deal with them. And they still couldn't be considered a top side, they lost to Latvia in the playoffs.
World Cup 2006:
Poland and Austria, same as above, a tricky tie but ultimately nothing too exciting and games that England are expected to win.
Euro 2008
Croatia were certainly a decent side and had a good Euro 2008, but their star players were Eduardo, Mladen Petric, and Niko Kranjcar. England drew with Macedonia and Israel in this campaign, and they still only narrowly missed out.
World Cup 2010:
Travelling was the biggest obstacle to overcome in this group.
Euro 2012:
Is this one actually a joke?
World Cup 2014:
The trend is clear at this stage as England had to only really deal with a Ukraine side they knew they were superior to again.
Euro 2016:
Again, laughable.
World Cup 2018:
Mediocrity as far as the eye can see.
Turkey and Croatia as tough as it gets. Ukraine purely for the fact it's like playing in a level from Goldeneye 007 on N64. That's what you're talking about being the toughest game you'll play? Jesus, it's no wonder they're bored stiff.
Jose Mourinho made an absolutely fantastic point in an interview with ESPN ahead of the visit of West Brom this weekend.
The European qualifiers make me angry. The South American qualifiers excite me. I enjoy football taken seriously, not for fun.
In the South American qualifiers, football is serious, there are a lot of good teams, on similar levels. Even those who aren't as strong as the others find some way to create difficulties.
In Europe, the qualifiers are a joke.
He's right. They are.
Not for Ireland, who have to test themselves against a Germany, Italy, or France before being able to go to a tournament, not for Mourinho's Portugal, who seemingly stumble into the playoffs every time before pulling it out of the bag at the last minute, but for the 'big' teams.
UEFA have set up the qualifiers to get the big teams to the tournament. Everywhere else you have to play pretty much every team in the region to prove you're good enough.
That's why the UEFA Nations League is so important. It's been confirmed for years, and nobody is talking about, but I can't wait to see top seeded teams play against each other in a match that's actually worth watching. It's so badly needed.
Here's the run-down from UEFA's official site:
What is the basic format?
-The 55 participating teams are split into four leagues, A–B–C–D, according to their strength
-League A will include the top-ranked teams, League D the lowest-ranked sides
-Leagues A and B will consist of four groups of three teams
-League C will comprise one group of three teams and three groups of four sides
-League D will be formed by four groups of four teams
-In the first edition of the competition, the participating sides will be classified according to the UEFA national team coefficient rankings (ranking as per 15 November 2017, i.e. conclusion of 2018 FIFA World Cup qualifiers)
-In each league, four group winners are promoted (or play in the Final Four, see below) and four teams are relegated for the next competition to be played in 2020
-The overall UEFA Nations League rankings will determine the composition of the draw pots for the subsequent European Qualifiers
-In addition, the UEFA Nations League will provide teams with another chance to qualify for the UEFA EURO final tournament, with four sides qualifying through play-off matches which take place in March 2020 (see below).
As confusing as that may be, it means more matches against teams around you in the rankings, and not just glorified friendlies.
So next time you hear an England fan or pundit complain about international football, tell them it's a trade off for guaranteeing your spot at the big show, and that they should be grateful for it.
