On RTE yesterday, Eamon Dunphy mindlessly referred to Russia as the Soviet Union, a sharp reminder to viewers that he is hewn of a different age.
Among the sediments of the past sequestered in Dunphy's heart is this country's prodigious history of persecuting and banning artists, which this column imagines at least partly explains his going to war over the lithe, frail souls of Andy Reid and Wes Hoolahan. (Prediction: Callum O'Dowda will be next).
So as the greatest artist of them all trooped away from a World Cup game of consequence for perhaps the final time, degraded as he was by a shambolic team and a meltdown by Argentina Manager Bruce Willis, RTE viewers lingered for some Vintage Eamo.
But no.
Behold, Duffer: unfailingly magnificent in everything he does. Duff took a scalpel to Argentina, albeit not quite with surgical precision as he was shaking with fury by the end of a deeply impassioned defence of Leo Messi.
What I've learned tonight is not to let your heart rule your head. I said at the beginning of the tournament that Argentina might win the tournament, but that couldn't be further from the truth. They had only two players tonight - Messi and Aguero - that would get in the Croatia team.
But if you look at the team lists tonight, Darragh the warning signs were there. If you were to pick an XI from the two teams, there are nine Croatian players in it. Playing Mascherano in midfield at 34, 35...his legs have gone.
They couldn't string five passes together, and Messi gets hammered for dropping deep? He'll get the blame. He got the blame in 2010, but nobody remembers that Maradona couldn't set up a team. In 2014 he single-handedly got them to the final, and he still got he blame.
And he'll get the blame this time.
But I'm sorry Darragh.
The team is poor.
Liam felt sympathy for Messi too, saying that he "looked like a lost soul" out there tonight, also exclaiming "Madness! Madness!" in that fatalistic, Shakesperian way when discussing Willy's bewildering error for the first goal.
Such was the seriousness of the beating, Liam felt this was no time for dallying with metaphors. "Watching Mascherano versus Modric tonight was like watching...er.....a bad player against a very good player".
Argentina Manager Andre Agassi was largely exempt from blame on the RTE panel, with largely desultory criticism focusing on the lack of balance in his squad rather than the fact that he exacerbated it with a string of appalling decisions.
By the time Eamo got to write his lament for Leo, he had run through The Greatest Hits. He reckoned that Argentina were a logistical "shambles" off the pitch, recalling how Roy Keane rebelled against the same problems in the FAI.
He then wrote the epitaph of not just a country but an entire continent, saying that South American football had been left bereft as a result of a pillaging from Europe: "Where are the Liam Bradys? Where are the Damien Duffs? Where are the players to inspire? They are all playing away from home" - one John Giles short of a full house.
There was even a tantalising glimpse at Spanish Football Expert as he argued with Liam Brady that Luka Modric did not, in fact, have a stellar season in La Liga. sadly stopping short of using those words.
Eamo did eventually find the words to wield the matter of Messi's exit, rightly disabusing those who planned to use the outrageous limits of Argentina and their manager That Angry Kilmarnock Fan You Recognise From The Second Captains Jingle as ammunition in the endless Messi v Ronaldo argument.
The person I feel most sorry for Messi. People will extrapolate torment, and as to whether he or Cristiano Ronaldo is the best player in the world. But in his country, Maradona is still remembered as the great player. I think they are a poor team made poorer by the managemet's selection.
I feel for the perhaps the greatest player we have ever seen.
Messi is a great man and he is a great player.
On the BBC, Pablo Zabaleta dolefully agreed with Gary Lineker that it was the worst Argentina performance he can remember. Alan Shearer directed all of his anger toward Nicolas Otamendi, while Cesc Fabregas was most succinct:
Argentina made it so easy for them, they were a broken team of five attackers and five defenders. It didn't feel like the Argentina players were playing with each other, but playing against each other. Some of the passing...I have nothing to say.
It was the best moment on the BBC thus far, and sadly, Lineker announced afterward that this was Fabregas farewell appearance.
No such worry on RTE: Duffer is here to stay.
Stray Observations
- Messi may be an artist, but only Michaelangelo could achieve something truly great and lasting in spite of the presence of a Willy.
- Earlier on ITV, Martin O'Neill was on analysis duty for Denmark v Australia. Having been subjected to a reel of Christian Eriksen's hat-trick in Dublin. Worse was to come. At half-time, O'Neill criticised Australia for giving Eriksen too much space between the lines and refusing to man-mark him. It was this point, on Day Eight of the 2018 World Cup, that it all became truly too much to bear for this column.
- O'Neill also shared a nice yarn of asking his World Cup hero Eusebio for his shorts after a tie between Portugal and Northern Ireland, Bryan Hamilton having run off with the shirt.
- We generally praise pundits for doing their homework, but Ryan Giggs delivers his ITV banter as if it written on his hand. Patrice Evra was alongside him in studio today, and it poked this zinger from Giggs: "United. Haven't. Had A. Good Left-Back. Since Denis....Irwin".
- Pablo Zabaleta has shown some early punditry promise on the Beeb.
- Apres Match Rating - 7/10.
- Brady really wasn't in the mood to let go of that 'Modric might be let off those perjury charges now, eh!?' gag.
Tweets of the Day
That's got to be Willy Caballero's worst moment since Derek Tracey scored a brace against him for Rovers against Boca Juniors at Tolka Park in 1999
— Karl Reilly (@HistoryLOI) June 21, 2018
Not sure if it's some sort of cry for help, but Spain appear to be passing themselves a picture of Vicente del Bosque's face pic.twitter.com/oyesO5RqQV
— Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches) June 20, 2018
