Where to start with this hilarious – yet very grave – spat between non-League football side Boreham Wood FC and Carlisle United?
Basically, after their FA Cup clash on Tuesday night, Carlisle accused their visitors of damaging the floor and door of their dressing room, and also of relieving themselves on said floor. They also stand accused of leaving a teapot in the urinal ... Yes, a teapot in the urinal.
However, Boreham Wood have hit back at these claims with the greatest press release in FA Cup history.
Despite losing narrowly, in what must have been a gutsy performance, the club maintain that nobody pissed on the floor in the aftermath:
'Mark Jones our left back, still angry at that treatment at the end of the game, entered our changing room and immediately kicked out at our Juice (plastic urn) container that sat on the floor. The plastic urn was sent flying across the dressing room and the content remains of orange juice was sent across the floor.'
As for the teapot in the urinal; well to cut a long story short, it seems Carlisle had left a pot of tea at very dangerous place near the shower entrance. Boreham say their kitman poured the beverage down the drain and then left the pot beside the urinal. They say 'the fact it was subsequently photographed in a urinal looks like mischief making, it is certainly a contrived photo and it was very convenient for a local press photo opportunity.'
Boreham claim that they did not vandalise any part of the dressing room décor – it was like that when they got there. Instead they accuse the home club of shoddy workmanship with some downright unmannerly hosting skills to boot.
'Perhaps that story deflects from the poor behaviour and performance of their players and management team. Who were so disparaging to our players over the two games, failed to accept our hospitality at our place and the fact that our players were then left with absolutely no hospitality or food after the game at Brunton Park perhaps says a lot, though the Carlisle players were of course fed..'
They lay a lot of blame at the feet of Carlisle's 'media man' Andy Hall:
'He does a disservice to a competitive two game FA Cup tie, where a small non league club shook Carlisle to their boots and did a great disservice to both sets of supporters. He has shamefully put two and two together, come up with 5 and anyone with a modicum of common sense, can see that from the photo’s and he is now scrambling around trying to justify his actions..'
Although this all sounds ridiculous, Boreham Wood have taken it very seriously, particularly the accusation of urinating on the dressing room floor. They say that they will take court proceedings against the Carlisle; 'The fact he [Andy Hall] orchestrated a fabricated story on behalf of Carlisle Utd with their local paper and gave credence to all this on a Carlisle fans forum, has slandered our name and we feel we need to take this matter outside of the FA’s and football domain.'
However they have told Carlisle chairman, John Nixon, that this could be avoided if there is a 'a full unequivocal retraction and written apology by Carlisle Utd, that is made public, that is addressed to Boreham Wood Football Club, its players, its management and to our supporters.'
Even if they are innocent of all the mentioned allegations there is still the disgraceful action of throwing a perfectly good pot of tea down the drain! Scandalous.
hat-tip: Mirko Bolesan and John Dodge
