You may only have a passing interest in football, but with the World Cup upon us now is the time to hone your meagre footballing knowledge, if only for the inevitable water cooler chat the day after a big game.
The Bluffer's Guide To Group B
Spain
Nicknames: La Furia - The Fury, La Roja - The Red
Manager: Julen Lopetegui
FIFA Ranking: 8th
Spain are highly fancied to go into the latter stages of this competition. After a disappointing 2014 World Cup and similarly unsuccessful Euros, Julen Lopetegui will go to Russia with a squad brimming with a good mix of youth and experience. Sergio Ramos, Andres Iniesta and Sergio Busquets make up the spine of the team, with the likes of Real Madrid's Isco and Asensio adding some flair to proceedings.
Spain are likely to line up with Diego Costa up front, though Liverpool misfit Iago Aspas will be running the Brazilian born striker close for a starting berth.
Thing to say to make yourself sound clever: Costa simply doesn't suit Lopetegui's system, they should be playing Aspas as a false 9.
Meaningless platitude to spout every now and again: Spain's experience at this level may well see them progress to the latter stages.
Useless stat to churn out to give a semblance of expertise: Six players from Spain's 2010 World Cup winning side make the squad: Sergio Ramos, Sergio Busquets, Andres Iniesta, David Silva, Pepe Reina & Gerard Pique.
Portugal
Nicknames: The Navigators, Seleção
Manager: Fernando Santos
FIFA Ranking: 4th
Portugal fans will be coming into the World Cup with high expectations following their European Championship success in 2016. The Seleção have quality in midfield and attack, but may struggle in central defence with certified madman Pepe the only established name at the back. The ageing Jose Fonte is likely to make way for the equally Bruno Alves as Pepe's partner, and the uncertainty surrounding the Portugal defence will give hope to the likes of Morocco and Iran, as they hope to cause an upset against the 4th ranked team in the world.
Euro 2016 final hero Eder has not made Santos' squad but with Cristiano Ronaldo, Joao Moutinho, Bernardo Silva and the mercurial Ricardo Quaeresma at the Navigators' disposal they should be more than capable of escaping the group.
Watch out for cameos from Wolves' midfielder Ruben Neves as well as Leicester's Ricardo Pereira.
Thing to say to make yourself sound clever: Portugal need to get rid of Ronaldo and Quaresma out of the starting eleven, they are holding back the wealth of attacking options at Santos' disposal.
Meaningless platitude to spout every now and again: If they can sort the defence out they could be a dark horse for the final.
Useless stat to churn out to give a semblance of expertise: Portugal have only lost one of their last 29 competitive matches.
Morocco
Nickname: The Atlas Lions
Manager: Herve Renard
FIFA Ranking: 42
Former Cambridge United manager Herve Renard has galvanised his team since joining in 2016, but despite this the Atlas Lions will struggle to put it up to their European rivals in Group B. Watch out for Ajax playmaker Hakim Ziyech, who is currently tearing it up in the Eredivisie and also Real Madrid prospect Achraf Hakimi, who is delightfully known as 'Arra' by his Madrid team mates.
Thing to say to make yourself sound clever: Romain Saïss has been a revelation since they moved him into defence.
Meaningless platitude to spout every now and again: Sure after 20 years in the wilderness, Morocco will be just happy to be taking part.
Useless stat to churn out to give a semblance of expertise: More than 60% of the players representing Morocco were born outside the country.
Iran
Nickname: Team Melli
Manager: Carlos Queiroz
FIFA Ranking: 36
Former Manchester United coach Carlos Queiroz manages an Iranian side that has fairly potent attacking options. Alireza Jahanbakhsh was the Eredivisie’s top scorer last season, Karim Ansarifard was the second top scorer in Greek first division and Kaveh Rezaei and Saman Ghoddos also had a good seasons in Belgium and Sweden respectively. Sardar Amzoun has also drawing glances from top European sides after impressing with Russian outfit Rubin Kazan.
But it's not all peachy in the Team Melli camp, with coach Carlos Queiroz already been bemoaning his Iran-based players fitness, saying recently that "our Iran-based players are not ready at all and they need 40-day-preparation to develop to the World Cup level."
Thing to say to make yourself sound clever: Queiroz was right, the Iranian based players fitness leaves a lot to be desired.
Meaningless platitude to spout every now and again: Watch out for Sardar Amzoun, he's the Iranian Messi.
Useless stat to churn out to give a semblance of expertise: Sardar Amzoun is already Iran's fifth highest goalscorer of all time, despite being only 23. Amzoun has scored 23 goals for Ian in 33 appearances.
