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Watch: Sky Sports News Analyse Sam Allardyce Making Tea, Don't Even Do It Correctly

Gavin Cooney
By Gavin Cooney
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The triumphant unveiling of Big Sam Allardyce as England manager occurred today, bringing to an end an utterly torturous hour-long build-up on Sky Sports, featuring Stewart Pearce and former assistant to David Moyes at Manchester United Steve Round, who rose to fame for his Dummies Guide to Football Management manual:

Allardyce confirmed to the media that Sammy Lee would be assistant, with no sign yet of the ascension of Phil Brown and that he had yet to make a call on whether Wayne Rooney would be continuing in his role as captain/incomprehensively undroppable.

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When Allardyce was quizzed about whether he was confident his managerial record would set him in good stead for the England job, he replied:

I’ve been a success at every club I’ve been at, starting with Limerick FC, by the way.

On a fairly slow news day, and with Pearce and Round presumably paid to hang around afterwards, chat soon descended into how Sam Allardyce made tea. Whether or not the channel are scraping the bottom of barrells with such analysis is debatable, but if they were going to do it, they dhould have done it correctly, as the fail to pull Big Sam up on the scandalous amount of milk he sloshed in, with the stirring process a pathetic and lazy after-thought:

Elsewhere, Stewart Pearce selected the England team he would like to see Big Sam pick. Presumably, Pearce wishes Allardyce to fail miserably in the big job, as he recommended he pick essentially the team that flopped at the Euros, with a couple of tweaks, by substituting decent players for others of less talent.

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Lads, you can drop Wayne Rooney.

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