Nobody does it better.
Arsenal are the Thomas Edison, the Henry Ford, the Nikola Telsa of fucking up.
If Apple's sole purpose was to fuck up, then they could only wish to do it as well as Arsenal. The iPod, the iPhone, the iPad of fuck ups, Arsenal have created them all and we have looked on in wonder.
Arsene Wenger probably has a crack team - lead by Manuel Almunia and also featuring Andre Santos and Sebastien Squillaci - sitting in a room at the Emirates right now coming up with new, better and even more entertaining ways of fucking up. Maybe Wojciech Szczesny Skypes in occasionally, just for laughs.
And just when you think that you've seen every way that the club can fuck up a situation, they surprise you. Some fresh new twist is added. The kind of wrinkle that was so obvious but still genius in its introduction. Occasionally they appear to change the narrative by looking solid, even dependable but this is merely a diversion used to create increased bewilderment when the shambolic moment occurs.
Ultimately, it's not just about fucking up for Arsenal, it's about scrutinising - in depth - the very notion of it.
On Tuesday night, the latest masterpiece was unveiled. Defeat to Dinamo Zagreb was just an early draft that required refining in the creation of the capitulation to Olympiakos. The Greeks arrived at the Emirates expected to put up a fleeting fight but quickly wilt to Arsenal's will.
This did not happen.
Credit for the victory cannot be solely scribbled in the Olympiakos column though, Arsenal were facilitators.
It was the fine brush strokes of this fuck up that elicit fascination.
The air of arrogant inevitability about the result heading into the game. The baffling placement of Petr Cech on the bench and David Ospina between the posts. The Colombian's hapless dropping of the ball over his own goal line. The genesis of hope with goals from Walcott and Sanchez before it was wiped out with the concession of rapid equalisers.
And, oh yeah, four shots on target for Olympiakos, three goals. Near perfection.
It was the work of a real artiste.
If a Nobel Prize for fuck ups existed, Tuesday, September 29th, Arsenal vs Olympiakos would be on the 2015 short list.
Of course, Tuesday was not the greatest shambles which Arsenal have manufactured in recent times. For that we need to go back four and a half years.
Newcastle vs Arsenal, February 5th, 2011.
Three nil up after less than ten minutes and four goals to the good at half time, Wenger's side conceded four times in the second half. It was made all the easier by the sending off of Abou Diaby, who had risen to Joey Barton's effort to antagonise, a near cliché moment.
Cheick Tiote scored a remarkable volleyed equaliser and then Kevin Nolan nearly grabbed a winner, though that would have been jumping the shark in terms of disaster, even for Arsenal.
That month was actually a monument to Arsenal fuck ups.
Three weeks later, they had what seemed like a fait accompli League Cup final against an inferior Birmingham side. The game offered Arsenal what was seen as an easy way to end their dry trophyless run. Surely they couldn't mess it up.
But they did.
1-1 in the 89th minute, Laurent Koscielny and Wojciech Szczesny contrived a moment of barely believable calamity. A long ball landed in the box, Koscielny swung and missed, Szczesny allowed the ball to bounce off his chest, Obafemi Martins pounced.
Birmingham won the League Cup. They were also relegated from the Premier League that season.
It was a real act of humanitarian kindness for Arsenal to offer the opposition fans a parting gift on what was their last visit to the top flight of English football.
How long can Arsenal continue to innovate in this respect?
Well, at 65, Arsene Wenger would seem unlikely to alter his ways at this stage. Meaning his team's crown as the great innovators of our age when it comes to fucking up is probably not going to be ceded any time soon.
